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b-Vibe Rimming Plug Petite

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Last week I arrived back to a lovely little surprise from Lovehoney, a swanky new b-Vibe Rimming plug which they'd kindly sent me as part of their on-site review programme. I told myself I'd try to keep it pithy, as not everyone wants to read an essay before buying a sex toy, but then I found that I had so many things to say about it that I failed rather spectacularly on that front.

If you'd like to read what I thought of it then head below!

When I first heard that someone had made a rimming plug I’ll admit I was a little sceptical about the idea, but also rather excited as I'm a sucker for something new and off the beaten path.

Of all the things I’ve tried of late this plug is easily one of the most unique, thanks to the inclusion of rotating beads in the neck, which actively stimulate the anus. We all think of this region as an erogenous zone - hence the existence of analingus as an increasingly popular sex act - and yet most anal toys tend to ignore it entirely, in favour of focussing predominantly on internal stimulation. It’s impressive how effective the action of the beads actually is, and as soon as you turn it on you can immediately feel the little bumps moving around, as different points of pressure traverse the sphincter. It’s a fascinating sensation, half tickling, half massaging, and all very stimulating. You can even gently clench the muscle to apply extra pressure and increase the feeling, and happily the plug is powerful enough to withstand this without the motor stopping.

The plug can be operated in two different ways, and with differing results. Using the button on the base you can cycle through nine different pre-set patterns. Some of these use only the rotary motor, while some incorporate the plug’s internal vibrating motor as well, and a couple have it vibrating alone. The other way to use it is via the included remote. The remote allows you to independently set the pattern for each motor, so you can couple one rotation speed you like with your favourite vibration mode. The remote also allows you to adjust the strength of the vibrations to your preference, though they’re always at their highest when you operate it via the button, so you can only really adjust the intensity down.

The remote is actually a good piece of kit. It feels a little light and flimsy, but it has good signal strength, so you can still control the plug under a couple of layers of clothing, or with it a reasonable distance away. The only downside with the remote is that there are so many combinations of settings that it can be easy to get a little lost, which did make me miss the visual display you get from wireless toys that can be operated via a phone app, as with some of We-Vibe's newer products.
The vibrations from the plug aren’t the strongest in the world, but it would be wrong to try to compare them to something like a prostate massager. They act to complement the rotary action and they do so well, creating a really pleasant all round sensation. On some occasions I did find that all the sensations seemed to blend together, making the rimming feature of the plug feel less apparent, so it can be nice to use it with the vibrations disabled.

In terms of noise the plug isn’t all that discreet. The vibrating function is almost whisper quiet inside the body, but the mechanical action of the rimming feature does make quite a noticeable whirring sound, limiting where you can use it. Behind a closed door and you’re perfectly safe with it, but out in public and you might get a few strange looks. 

This plug is classed as being the “petite” version, but I think it’s probably the perfect size, and I say that as someone who does generally enjoy toys on the larger end of the scale. What I like about this plug especially is the insertable length, because at 4 inches it’s really comfortable for every day wear. The main body is long enough that the bulb of the plug can nestle up against the entire prostate, but it doesn’t go so deep that it runs the risk of poking you anywhere uncomfortably, especially if you try to use it in a seated position.

The one area I wouldn’t mind it being a little bigger is in terms of girth, because I do appreciate that sensation of greater fullness, and the addition of a thicker neck could increase the intensity felt from the rimming action. As it stands though I’m happy with the size and it’s sufficient to still feel really good.

The plug itself is really easy to take care of. It’s made from velvety-soft seamless silicone which you can sterilise after use, and the magnetic charging port is a breeze to use.

I've had a lot of fun with this toy and I’d definitely recommend it to anyone looking for something new. Many thanks to Lovehoney for sending it to me for review, and you can go grab one right now from Lovehoney.co.uk or Lovehoney.com



California Exotics Long John

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Valentine's Day is behind us, I'm filled with more pancakes than an IHOP, and this blog turned another year old this week!

Today I'm starting the first in a series of reviews for the nice folks over at TooTimid.com, who've kindly provided me with some products to put through their paces for you guys, so let's get to it!

One of the criticisms that I'm aware can be levelled at my blog is that I don't review a whole load of affordable toys, and while a perk of having been at this for six years now is that companies trust me to offer a thorough breakdown of their more expensive items, this omission isn't intentional. The fact is that often it can be hard to find a quality toy that doesn't break the bank, especially if you care about the safety of the materials you put inside your body, and you should do. While it's certainly great to have the luxury of expensive tastes, not everyone is in a position to stretch to spending $100/£100 on a dildo, so today I'm hoping to go a little way to remedy this.

The Long John from Cal Exotics is a 100% silicone dildo which costs only $35.95, so when I spotted it on the TooTimid website I knew that it would be the perfect thing to review for them. It comes in a simple choice of a flesh colour or pink, which is quite a reasonable selection for a budget toy.

The first thing that struck me about the Long John was the similarity between the shape of its shaft and that of The Boss dildo from Fun Factory. They both incorporate a subtle sweeping S-shape down their length, the difference being with the Long John that it has a more overtly phallic appearance with its prominent head, veiny shaft, and all culminating with a pair of balls at the base.

The other difference with the Long John is its size: it measures a total of 7 1/4" in length, with 6" insertable, and an average circumference of 5 1/4". It falls into what I'd consider to be a realistic size for a dildo, not ridiculously huge, but also not specifically small for beginners. It's that sort of Average Joe size that should appeal to anyone looking to replicate that experience with the man off the street rather than a porn star.

The construction of the dildo is good, but also a point of interest for me because of one particular peculiarity. While the whole shaft is solid, the balls themselves appear to be filled with air, something which is reinforced by the appearance of a plug-like piece in the base. You can squash them and compress them, and they really don't give you the impression of them being solid. This doesn't really affect much about the dildo other than being a curiosity, except for the fact that the base is convex rather than being flat, which seems to be attributable to the air inside. The effect of this is that the dildo doesn't stand up very easily and tends to teeter around even if you've managed to balance it correctly. It doesn't really bother me that they've tried to keep costs down by saving material in this hollow section, but it might have made more sense just to leave an open bullet hole in the base, rather than a cavity in the balls, as at least this way there'd be the option to use a suction cup with it, etc.

In terms of the finish on the dildo it has an entirely matte surface and feels nice to the touch. There's visual evidence of a mould line running the entire length, but it's not raised and can't be felt, so it's not an issue.

When it comes down to use I'm happy to say that the dildo works and hits all the right spots, and why wouldn't it considering how much I enjoyed The Boss before it? It's actually rather a relief as it would have been annoying to have finally found a good quality affordable dildo, only to then have to write it off because the shape was a dud. One of the first things about it is that it's actually a great manual thrusting dildo. It's lightweight and ergonomic so you can comfortably lie back, hold it in your hand, and go to town as long as you please. I find that in this position it works best to hold the dildo so that the ridge on the head is aligned with your prostate, and then relatively shallow thrusting will help to target it well and deliver lovely sensations. The silicone is quite firm, but it has enough flex in it that you can bend and angle the shaft to really target it right where you want the most pressure from that ridge. The other way to use it, and generally my preferred method, is to place the dildo on a flat surface and ride it. The only downside here is that because the dildo is lightweight, and the base isn't flat, it can jump around a bit, so it helps to hold it down. In this position I find that the dildo works best flipped around 180 degrees, so then it's that big rounded section of the ventral side of the shaft that does all the work. As you lower yourself down onto the dildo you really feel its entire shape, and your body follows every twist and curve, far more so than you'd imagine. Once you've worked up a steady rhythm you can really feel the bulge in the shaft massaging your prostate to great effect. It works best with a deeper insertion, and thanks to the shape and modest length it's possible to get right down to the base with no discomfort, allowing a worry-free ride no matter how vigorous you get in the process. Despite all the textured vein detailing on the shaft, you don't really feel any of it during use, and just get a smooth gliding action in and out. It is best to use a little extra lube with the dildo though, as if you're being minimal with it you can feel a little drag.

The actual shape of the dildo makes really well suited to people of all experience levels, as that small tapered tip makes it nice and easy to insert for those more at the beginner end, while those comfortable with bigger things can still appreciate the great sensations that come when it hits just the right spot. It's obviously not going to be the most filling dildo in the world, but it's a nice alternative when you still want sensation but without the stretch.

The Long John is of course made from silicone, and the reason you want a silicone dildo is because it's a completely inert material that's safe to put inside your body. It's also non-porous, so it won't harbour bacteria deep within it, and you can sterilise it via boiling or mild bleaching, and safely share it with a partner.

I have to say that I really am impressed with this dildo. It's amazing what you can pick up for $35, something that's well made, has a good functional shape, and that's made with safe materials. I can only hope that more manufacturers will follow suit and start offering a wider range of affordable silicone toys. If you want to pick up something that'll show you a great time without blowing the budget, then I can happily recommend this one.

Many thanks to TooTimid for sending me The Long John, and it's available from them right now!

Electrastim Jack Socket and XL

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March is upon us, the days are getting longer, and Spring feels as though it could be right around the corner, well except for one little hitch… The entire UK is currently under a blanket of freak snow, so let’s grab a cup of hot chocolate and dive right into a new review.

I’m going to kick off the month with something a little bit different, in the form of the ElectraStim Jack Socket. This is something that I’ve been interested in reviewing for a while, but somehow never got around to trying one until this past month, so let’s go and seen how it checks out!

The ElectraStim Jack Socket is, to my knowledge, the first ever masturbator which incorporates electrosex technology, and frankly I find that a little bit exciting.

I’ve been a big fan of electrosex ever since the folks over at ElectraStim first sent me some of their toys back in 2014, and I’ve been merrily zapping away at my prostate, perineum, and even inside my penis, ever since. It is one of those unique sensations that you really have to experience for yourself, and I’ve been keen to recommend it to anyone who asks.

The idea of a Fleshjack-style toy which delivers electro-stimulation as you use it just seemed too good to pass up, and piqued my curiosity as to how it would compare with the insertable toys I’d used in the past.


The Jack Socket comes in two separate sizes, a Standard, and an XL for the larger gentleman, and ElectraStim kindly provided me with both. I really wanted to compare the two versions, because despite some very detailed measurements which they provide on their website, it can be hard to judge what you’re going to be best suited for, especially if you feel you might fall between the two.

The thing about men is, we don’t know the size of our own dicks. I know that that sounds ludicrous at first, after all what guy hasn’t measured himself at some point? There’s a difference, however, between knowing a number and having a concrete understanding of the physical space which something takes up. That’s what we tend to lack, and more often than not we underestimate. Anyone who’s been on the receiving end of an over-eager guy with a large endowment will appreciate this fact. Sometimes there’s a lack of consideration of what it’ll take to accommodate something that size, and that’s why I felt it important to make sure that people would have the necessary information to obtain the best fit.


The Standard size has an opening diameter of 1.6” (5” circumference), reducing to a diameter of 1” (3.1” circumference).

The XL has an opening diameter of 1.9” (6” circumference), reducing to a diameter of 1.45” (4.5” circumference).

The other main difference between the two, beside the size, is the internal texture. While the standard sleeve has an array of nodules in the interior, the XL opts for a series of ridges. I’m not sure why the change, but it’s interesting to note.

The design of the Jack Socket is such that is has a soft silicone outer shell, with a removable TPE sleeve, similar to the Fleshjack Sword. The beauty of this design is that while the stretchy TPE can expand to accommodate a variety of penis sizes, the silicone case can in turn be squeezed to apply a greater amount of pressure if this is desired. The other advantage of this is that the sleeves are interchangeable between the Standard and XL, so you can have both without needing two whole units.


From my perspective, having a girth of 5.5 inches, I found that I preferred the Standard sleeve. It gives a pleasant amount of snugness, but without feeling overly tight, and I’m a big fan of the nobbly texture. With the XL it was still useable, but I found it less enjoyable. There’s a sensation of looseness that comes with it, which invites you to squeeze the shell to make it tighter. The texture I was also less keen on; it felt less subtle and nuanced than the nubs, and had a firmness to its feel. Based on the texture alone I’d recommend the Standard to anyone trying to choose between the two, but purely taking into account matters of size, I’d have to say that the Standard is the more versatile model. If you’re going to go for the XL then I’d suggest having a girth of at least 6”, otherwise the Standard is still going to be able to comfortably accommodate you.


So now that the questions about size are covered, how does the Jack Socket actually work in practice? Inside the silicone shell of the Jack Socket are two lengths of conductive silicone, the type found inside the Sirius Noir, and these transmit the current up from the base of the device towards the top of the sleeve. You simply plug one end of a cable from your ElectraStim machine into each side to hook it up, and conveniently it’ll work with whichever brand of power unit you happen to already own. To get the current from the silicone and into interior of the sleeve each sleeve has 4 small holes on each side, which line up with a port on the outside of the silicone shell, and into here you squirt a generous amount of the conductive gel which is provided.

Once you lube yourself up and begin slowly inserting yourself into the Jack Socket - as you would with any other masturbator - the conductive gel oozes out of the holes, mixes with the water-based lube, and you begin to feel that electrical tickle on either side of your penis. It’s a slightly different sort of tickle to what you get from using the adhesive pads on your skin, or an insertable toy. It’s very much a surface tingle, and not that almost-vibrating sensation of the electricity passing deep into the body, but it definitely feels good. Because the gel ports are near the opening of the Socket, and the texture doesn’t begin until the second half of the sleeve, you experience a sequence of sensations during use, rather than everything at once. You get that wave of energised electrical tingling over the head of your penis, followed by the physical sensation of the bumps from the texture, and then a repeat.

The device isn’t all that long, at only 4”, so you don’t get an especially deep stroke, but there’s a great focus on the head as you go back and forth between the two sensations, swiftly alternating between feeling one and the other, and always wanting more. This is a big part of why it actually works, because the rhythm feels a world of difference away from just holding the Jack Socket still to feel the electricity alone. If you think about how some Fleshjacks incorporate a variety of different textures throughout their length, to vary your experience as you pass through, the Jack Socket is like this, but instead it's a multi-sensory experience, replacing a texture instead with electricity. It’s really enjoyable and a great twist on the usual masturbator experience. If you want to vary things up a little you can also adjust the orientation that you're holding the toy in, to differently direct the flow of current. If you have the flow going horizontally then it's a bit like two bolts going into either side of Frankenstein's neck, and you feel the sensation most around the corona of the glans. If you position it vertically then the flow passes straight through the top of the head and the frenulum, like an electrical apadravya. It's quite a different sensation, and it's fun to alternate during use just by twisting your hand as you stroke. One thing I found is that the Jack Socket works best on the lower power settings. With most other electro toys I can generally keep increasing the power over time until I’m up to the max, but with the Jack Socket it tends to develop an unshakeable prickly feeling once you go too high. This can be fun in its own right, if you enjoy a little brush with pain, but most of the time you’ll want to keep an eye on it.

Just considering the TPE sleeve by itself, it’s worth nothing that it’s not as soft or as lifelike as the proprietary material they use in Fleshjacks, but it does have the bonus of being more durable, and most of the time you won’t really notice when you’re busy with it, especially if you have the nubbed sleeve rather than the ridged. It's also nice and easy to pop out and clean after use, and it dries quickly too.

I have to say I really do like the Jack Socket. Adding the tingly sensation of electricity to a masturbator makes for a really unique experience, and there’s definitely something to be said for having an orgasm while a current is flowing through your genitals. One thing which is actually quite fun is pairing it with any other ElectraStim toys you might have, to magnify the effect. An adhesive pad on the perineum, and an Electraloop around the base of the shaft, really complement the experience of using the Jack Socket, giving you electrical sensations throughout the whole penis.

If you’re a guy and you enjoy masturbators, and you enjoy electro-play, then I really recommend checking out the Jack Socket. Many thanks to ElectraStim for sending me one.

The Jack Socket is available from: SexToys.co.uk, Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, Lovehoney EU, and Lovehoney Australia.

It's also available from my friends at Tantus.

Prisms Triplets

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This week I'm going to be looking at my second product provided by the folks over at TooTimid.com, the Triplets graduated butt plug set from Prisms Erotic Glass.

The Prisms Triplets are a set of three clear glass butt plugs, ranging in size from very small to a modest medium, and are aimed primarily at anyone looking for a gentle introduction to anal play.

It's quite a cute little trio of plugs, and looks almost like a set of inconspicuous ornaments when you arrange them together on a table. They have quite a squat shape, with a teardrop bulb, a short neck, and a narrow base, like a spade on a set of playing cards. 

Each plug is sized accordingly:
  • Smallest: Total length - 2 3/8". Circumference - 4 1/2"
  • Middle: Length - 2 3/4". Circumference - 5 1/4"
  • Largest: Length - 3 1/4". Circumference - 5 3/4"

As you can see from the measurements they're very much a beginner set, and aren't intended to give that stretch or fullness that more advanced anal players will be looking for, but there's still a nice amount of variety for those just starting out.

The plugs are very easy to insert thanks to their gentle taper, smooth surface, and modest size. As they're made from glass it's also one of those rare occasions where you get the pleasure of using a silicone lube with a toy, and a little dab is more than sufficient and will last a long time. Some people often express concern about the firmness of glass when it comes to first time anal use, but the plugs are actually very comfortable when you take due time with them, and will gently part the muscles and glide into place.

The benefit of having three plugs of different sizes is that it's very easy to make the jump from one to the next. They all seem to complement each other, and once you feel that you've conquered one you can work your way up to the next gradually, without the leap in size being too great. 

One thing I dislike about the plugs is the size of the neck on them. It's barely 3/8" long, and this simply isn't sufficient. For a plug to feel secure during use there needs to be space for the sphincter to rest along it, but when the Triplets are inserted to their maximum extent you can feel the internal sphincter muscle resting against the underside of the bulb and remaining dilated by it, creating a situation where they are more prone to slip out. To try to keep them in place you need to clench the external sphincter up against the neck, which isn't ideal, and doesn't allow you to simply insert one and then forget about it during prolonged wear. 

The other issue I had with the plugs is that the base itself is barely any wider than the thickest point of the bulb, which can present a safety issue. I had an incident when inserting the smallest plug where I managed to accidentally push the entire thing into my body, base and all, which as you might imagine can cause some alarm. When the sphincter is already relaxed enough and stretched for a given sized toy, it's going to take very little effort for it to swallow up a base of a similar size. If you couple this with the neck issue, it's very easy to keep on pushing the plug in, looking for that moment when it'll feel secure, and by that moment you've already gone too far, so it's a point of caution really. 

For these reasons I'd have to draw two conclusions about these plugs. The first being that they work better as a dilator set than they do as plugs. Hopping from one to the next is a good way to slowly train your sphincter to accept larger things, but the lack of an adequate neck makes them really impractical for actually wearing around. The second is that I wouldn't recommend that anyone other than a complete novice use the smallest plug, because unless you're so tight that you can barely handle a finger, there's just too high a risk of you losing the plug inside.

Some of the advantages of glass toys include that they're great for temperature play. If you toss them into a bucket of ice water before use then you'll get a wonderful chill when you slip them inside you. Another thing I always find fun about clear glass toys is the aesthetic during use, because it provides a unique portal into the body, which otherwise wouldn't be accessible. There's always an aspect of curiosity to take a peek in the mirror and observe how exactly your body looks from the inside, or whilst stretched by a plug. 

A nice feature of the Prisms set is that each plug comes with its own little velvet storage bag, so you can pack them away safely after use. 

I have to say, while I do really like the idea of the Prisms Triplets set, I am a little disappointed by the final design. If they had a longer neck and a slightly wider base then they'd be perfect, but as they stand they have a couple of drawbacks which I'd urge anyone to take into account when considering a purchase. 

Many thanks to TooTimid.com for sending me the Prisms Triplets, and they're available right now from their website!

Tantus Capsule Plug

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Hello my lovelies! I apologise for the short hiatus here, but unfortunately sometimes life does manage to get in the way of blogging. It's a beautiful June day outside, and I thought I'd sit down and get my Carrie Bradshaw on, and try to hammer out a few reviews. 

First up is this gorgeous Capsule Plug from Tantus!

The Capsule is the second piece in Tantus's new line of Steampunk-inspired toys, designed in collaboration with SheVibe. The first, of course, being the incredible Steam Hunk dildo, which I encourage you to check out the review for if you haven't already. 

As with the Steam Hunk the Capsule comes in a choice of two colours: a standard black, and an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous shimmering copper. (Seriously, why would anyone not pick the copper!?)

This time around though we're also offered a choice in sizes, with a standard model, and a "petite" capsule, for the less-explored final frontiers. As usual I will primarily be focusing on the larger plug, but just to give a quick idea of the size difference, the standard plug is 5" tall, 3 7/8" insertable, and 5 1/4" circumference, while the Petite is 4" tall, 3" insertable, and 4 1/8" circumference. 

Unusually for Tantus the plug is made from their SuperSoft silicone - something typically reserved for their realistic dildos - rather than their standard formula, but this is actually very smart because the plug has a lot of texture going on, and in my experience heavy texture + firm silicone is a recipe for discomfort. 

The design of the Capsule is supposed to like part of an antique spacecraft, almost akin to something from the Jules Verne novel "From the Earth to the Moon," and everything from the tapered shape to the exquisite detailing all over the surface reflects this perfectly. I can't help but find myself unconsciously humming along to Dinah Washington's "Destination Moon" when I'm looking at it. 

The basic shape of the Capsule is more or less that of traditional buttplug; there's a very nicely tapered body which comes to a point at one end, a slender neck just below it, and then a quite generous base at the bottom to ensure safety during use. The body of the plug is fashioned as the habitable part of the Capsule, and features a porthole on either side, with the rest of it made to look as though it's built from panels of sheet metal, riveted and banded together in early-industrial style. The neck and base together form the rocket engine, looking like a Victorian twist on the throat and nozzle of the massive engines we see quivering beneath the modern-day Space Shuttle shortly prior to launch. This aspect of the design does help to explain the bulk of the base, because anything other than a circular shape wouldn't have been in-keeping with the overall appearance. It's a really delightful toy to look at, and you can tell that someone put a lot of effort into sculpting the original piece, just by the sheer level of detail.

In terms of use the Capsule inserts nice and easily thanks to its very tapered tip, but you'll probably want to use a bit of extra lube to coat all of that texture, as it both adds to the surface area and creates a little extra friction / resistance. You can definitely feel the level of texture as the skin slides over it, and thanks to the softness of the silicone it's not an uncomfortable sensation, but just feels like an added something of interest to be aware of. Inside the body you do get a little bit of fullness, but nothing too overwhelming as it is only a modestly-sized plug, so it's great for someone just looking for something casual to play with on an every day basis. The bulky base nestles very comfortably between the buttocks, but realistically if you compare it to a more slimline base it's going to feel a touch obtrusive, but what's also nice about that SuperSoft silicone is that both the neck and base feel squishy, so you can squeeze all your muscles around it and it comfortably reacts, rather than feeling like some solid lump there. You can even quite easily sit down while wearing the plug, without any discomfort. 

In terms of long-term wearing, this is the one place where I feel that the Capsule doesn't do so well. The more time you have the plug in, the more the water-based lubricant on it will dry up, any eventually even that subtle texture around the neck and base will start to tug and rub on the skin, making you aware of it. It's a slight drawback, but it all depends how long you want to use a plug for. In terms of short-term wearing you'll definitely notice a slight difference in sensation around the sphincter, compared to a completely smooth plug, but not any discomfort, so it's well suited to that. 

When it comes to removing the plug, again it slides out just as easily as it went in. You'll feel the texture, but because that lube that was on the plug doesn't dry up internally, it'll ease it on its way.

I will quickly mention about cleaning the plug. Because there's such a high level of detail in the design, there are a lot of nooks and crannies for dirt to get trapped, so you'll want to rinse it almost immediately, and pay extra attention when cleaning. Luckily there are lots of sterilisation options for silicone toys, so it's not too much trouble to get it feeling fresh and new again. 

I have to thank Tantus for sending me the Capsule. It's a great little plug, and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who loves quirky designs in their sex toys!

It's available directly from their website

Doxy Number 3

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A few years ago a new company popped up in the South West of England, offering what was to be a rival to the famous Hitachi Magic Wand, and that company was Doxy. By any measure the Doxy Wand immediately took the Internet by storm, with every blogger raving about it, cam performers adding it to the top of their wishlists, and eventually that success spawned the all-metal Doxy Die Cast, and the innovative Doxy Don (formerly Skittle) - which I had the pleasure of reviewing back in 2015. 

Late last year Doxy revealed the third in their line of vibrating wands, the aptly-named Doxy Number 3, an all-metal bodied wand in the vein of the Doxy Die Cast, but in a new compact shape, and I knew that it was finally time for me to try one out. 

A couple of e-mails later and Doxy have very kindly sent me a Number 3, and today I'm finally going to review it!

I'm not a complete stranger to vibrating wands, having reviewed the Palm Power way back in 2013, but it's safe to say that they're a category of toy of which I own the fewest pieces. I am, however, completely taken in by the sheer power that can be delivered by something running on mains power, and that's why I was so excited to try a Doxy. 

The Doxy No.3 is a serious piece of kit; it has a 7 1/2" solid brushed-aluminium body, topped with a shiny metal collar, giving it a feeling of real clout whilst retaining a sleek and attractive appearance. It's capped with a solid metal head, largely covered in a velvety-soft matte black silicone, but with a band of shiny metal left exposed at the bottom to mirror the collar of the shaft. In all it comes in at a total length of just over 10", with a circumference around the head of 5 3/4", and a total weight of around 340g. It may be the compact model, but it still has plenty of substance to it. 

The Doxy is powered by mains electricity, and has a generous 3m cord which allows it to reach even the most awkwardly-placed socket in a bedroom. It also features one of those handy plugs with the interchangeable prongs, so they can be swapped out and replaced depending on which locale you'll be using the toy. The package does only contain the correct prongs for the region you buy it in however, so if you want to take it travelling you'll have to make your own arrangements there. 

The Doxy is operated by three buttons located slightly below the mid point of the body. There's an on/off button, a (+) to increase the power, and a (-) to lower it again. As well as a constant vibration mode, a pulsating mode can also be accessed by holding the power button down for a couple of seconds whilst it's turned off. For me the button placement is quite convenient, whether you be holding the wand with your thumb pointed towards the head, or with it flipped 180 degrees and your thumb pointed towards the cord. One nice feature is that the buttons light up when the toy is turned on, so they're a little easier to locate if you're using the wand in dim ambient lighting.

The wand itself packs a serious amount of power. Even on the lowest setting you can feel that sheer force as it turns on, and from there you have several other levels to move up into. One thing which did surprise me a little is that the No.3 isn't all that rumbly. It's definitely more a middling sort of vibration on the buzzy to rumbly scale. I can't really comment on how this compares to previous Doxys, and if it's merely a consequence of downsizing the wand, but I was expecting a deeper vibration. As with many toys I found that the lowest power setting had the most rumbly quality to it, compared to the higher ones. 

In terms of use the Doxy really is a joy. You can start off in a very teasing fashion, just running it over the outside of the underwear, and already those vibrations start to have an effect and rouse what sleeps within. Moving it all around the genitals, and along the perineum, can continue to produce an effect without any direct contact with the erogenous zones, just allowing the vibrations in the surrounding areas to filter through. Using it straight against the penis is where it really shines though, running it up and down the length of the shaft, slowly encircling the head, and most importantly held up against the frenulum, or stroking it. With the Doxy pressed against the frenulum you could easily achieve climax in mere seconds if you really wanted to, such is the strength of it, but ultimately most will find greater pleasure in drawing the experience out. This is also where the pulsing mode comes into play, because this is absolutely my favourite way to use the No.3. With the Doxy pressed up against the frenulum, and pulse mode activated, the rhythm of vibrations into the penis feels fantastic, and further more you can adjust the interval between each pulse using the buttons, allowing you to ramp up the speed as you approach climax, for even better effect. Interestingly the Doxy does have more of a rumbly quality to it in this mode, as each time it stops and starts in between a moment of ramping vibration strength, it gives off a judder which can be felt deeper into the tissue. 

Another way I found that it's quite nice to use the Doxy is around the anus. Just gently pushing it up against the external muscle makes the entire thing quiver and tingle, and feels quite lovely. It almost makes you wish there was a way to use it internally, and as luck would have it I've seen photos of a prototype cap for the No.3 by Nexus, which would turn the Doxy into a prostate massager, and frankly I love that idea. 

The Doxy can of course be used for non-sexual purposes, merely as an all-purpose massager. Pressing it into various areas of the body, especially around the back and neck, does feel quite soothing and therapeutic, so I'd definitely recommend trying it. 

One thing people may be concerned with is the weight of the Number 3, due to the all metal body, as I have heard stories of people's arms growing tired whilst using the Die Cast. I have to say though that I never experienced any problems, and found the Doxy quite comfortable to use the entire time. 

With regard to noise, the Doxy is louder than many other vibrators; something which naturally comes with being a mains powered toy, but the volume of it is acceptable. In my experience it can be heard faintly on the other side of standard modern bedroom door, but not through a thin partition wall, especially if there's furniture up against it, so I wouldn't be too concerned about using it if you're sharing your accommodation. 

I have to say, on the whole I do really like the Doxy Number 3. The only slight drawback for me is that it's not more rumbly, as those are the vibrations I crave more than any other. The Doxy does an absolutely fantastic job though, and has many uses, and has delivered many great orgasms in the process of testing it. I would have no hesitation is recommending it to any of my readers.

Thanks so much to Doxy for sending me one to review, the Number 3 is available from: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Lovehoney US, Lovehoney Australia, SexToys.co.uk, and SheVibe


The Spank from Boneyard Toys

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Recently I discovered a new sex toy brand on Instagram, and instantly fell in love with their skull-emblazoned products. After I happened to "like" one of their posts they got in touch and asked if I'd be interested in reviewing a few things for them, and today I'm going to be looking at the beautiful Spank paddle. 


The Spank is a gorgeous 100% silicone paddle, much in the same vein as the range put out by Tantus back in 2013, and recently expanded on. What makes it interesting to me is that it's my first textured paddle. 

The design is quite similar to the Tantus Wham Bam, in that it has this long slender spatula shape, and it's similarly proportioned at 15" long by 2 1/4" wide. What I really like about it compared to the Wham Bam is that it has a much more ergonomic handle. The whole thing is rounded, so it fits nicely within your grasp, and avoids any sharp corners which might lessen the comfort. 

The whole surface of the paddle is covered in these adorable little skulls which stand proud from the surface, and which also appear on many other Boneyard products. I've always been a person who loves anything with a skull on it, be it t-shirt, a pirate flag, or even the Cock Skull dildo I reviewed a few years back, so it's right up my alley. 

In terms of use it packs an impressive thwack, and you don't have to use to great deal of force to produce a satisfying sting. What's nice about the paddle is that it actually does a lot of the work for you. Because it's so flexible as you swing it away from your target it bends backwards, and then as you change direction and go to make impact it snaps back forwards automatically, hitting the target without you needing to physically drive the paddle against the flesh like you would with something solid. The key to using it is all in the wrist action, and doesn't require a lot of motion, so you can get great results even if you aren't very strong, all the way from a cheeky tap to zinging wallop. Comparing it to the Wham Bam, when used with equal force they produce a very similar level of sensation, which should be enough to punish even the naughtiest of boys or girls.  

One thing I'm sure that everyone is wondering, is do the skulls leave a mark? Well I've been sat here beating my pale skin with as much force as I can reasonably tolerate, and as I slowly turn a shade of red you can faintly see the impression of a skull or two, but not significantly. Now there may be a difference if you're less of a wimp than I, or have a victim who's open to a good beating, but I can't say. 

What's great about the Spank, as with any silicone toy, is that it's completely non-porous and can be sterilised after use. So whatever you get up to with it, and however many different bodily fluids end up in its nooks and crannies, you can always boil it, bleach it, or run it through the dishwasher, and it's safe to use with your next bedroom playmate. 

I'm definitely a big fan of the Spank. It's really well made, it gets the job done superbly, and it looks great in the process. I'd happily recommend it to anyone, and I'm looking forward to reviewing the other toys they sent me. 

Check out the Boneyard Toys website, and you can pick one up today!


Satisfyer Men

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Today I'm going to be looking at a product which I really didn't want to review, because frankly it just doesn't work for me at all. Never one to renege on my obligations, however, here we go, so enjoy the ride!

Late last year Satisfyer announced a teaser of their all new Satisfyer designed specifically for men, putting out a call for reviewers, to which I naturally responded. Satisfyer are known for their range of unique toys for women which use pressure waves to indirectly stimulate the genitals, and the Internet seems to be quite a fan of them, so when a male version was announced I was rather excited. Then Christmas came and went, and New Year, and even Easter, and by that time I'd started to give up on the idea of this product ever materialising, but then at long last a package from Satisfyer showed up, and I was, well, underwhelmed...

It transpired that the long-awaited Satisfyer Men is in fact nothing more than a masturbator, another Fleshlight clone in a marketplace already saturated with them, and so immediately I felt deflated. "I've waited all this time for this?" I asked myself in a moment of exasperation, but I was willing to give it a fair chance. Some weather-beaten Italian man on the box, whom I've never heard of - Rocco's Modern Life or something - proudly declares that after 5,000 women, this was his best orgasm, so surely it must be up to something, right, right?

The Satisfyer Men does actually have quite a sleek design, with a tapered black and blue outer case. It's certainly more appealing than the standard Fleshlight cases, though maybe not the Flights. It follows the standard Fleshlight design of a solid plastic case, an adjustable base cap, and a removable soft insert which can be replaced by other textures (solid separately). One place where the design does differ though, is that the casing comes in two parts. There's the outer shell, and then an internal plastic collar which houses a clever little mechanism. Squeezing the outer case activates a pump inside the collar, which in turn inflates 4 small airbags on the internal surface of the collar, with the idea being that you can adjust the tightness to your exact preference. If you go too far there's a release button which immediately lets all the air back out again. 

And here we come to the absolute stupidity of the design. Someone obviously decided that in order for the squeezing action to function, the material of the sleeve all needed to sit flush up against the surface of the internal collar. Now let's compare this to a Fleshjack, which has vertical ribs around the outside of the sleeve, leaving a lot of empty space inside the case. This isn't just them being cheap with material, it's an important design feature, because when a penis enters the sleeve the sleeve must expand in response, and it needs this space to expand into. Can you see where I'm going with this? 

The first time I used the Satisfyer Men was an incredibly frustrating experience; the tip of my penis happily went through the opening of the toy, I felt a little bit of the texture and it was nice, and then suddenly I felt this incredible resistance. Right at the point where the internal collar is located, and where the sleeve also happens to narrow (genius design choice there) my penis just stopped. I pushed and I pushed, figuring there must be a way to get through, and then as the pressure became too uncomfortable and I could start to see the base of my shaft buckling under it, I finally gave up and let out an expletive. "I can't get my f*%king dick in this thing!" was the exclamation heard around the world, or rather just my house because I then took to Twitter to politely express my difficulty, not wishing to offend anyone. 

So unfortunately that's as far as I can really take this review. I'd love to be able to express how the texture feels during long stroking sessions, or how the added tightness changes the experience when it's pumped up, but when you can't even manage to get half of your penis inside a toy there's not really much to be said. Maybe it's great for those on the less girthy side, but if you're thick then it's a nightmare. For the record I'm 5 1/2" at the widest point, and just guessing I'd say that you need to be at least under 5" to make this thing work. 

My final thoughts on the product are that I do actually quite like the concept, and I appreciate that Satisfyer sent me one to review, but the product itself, in its current form, I loathe. I can't understand the logic of making a toy so unusably tight in the first place, and then having a mechanism to make it even narrower. Did they not actually test it on real people before releasing it to the marketplace? It makes my mind boggle. My only advice is that you should avoid it if you have anything around an above average girth, because it will not work, and for that reason I really can't recommend it. 


Lovense Hush

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Hey everyone. I hope you've all been having a great Summer and enjoying the nice weather!

Today I'm going to be taking a look at a product which I've been interested in for a while, the Lovense Hush. Be warned, this is a long one, but there's loads to talk about, so go check it out below!


I'll be the first to admit that I'm partial to the odd bit of porn. It's a great way to get off without the hassle of trawling through Grindr, and trying to make yourself presentable for someone who may not even be who they appear. Sometimes, however, porn can feel a little bit stale and remote, and that's where the Internet's other great creation comes in, Chaturbate! A platform which gives you the ease of porn, with the interaction of a live person being present. 

A couple of years ago when I was casually flicking through different performances on Chaturbate I started to notice something strange. Many of the guys seemed to have these bright pink "tails" sticking out of their butts, and my immediate reaction was "wtf is that?" That, it turned out, was none other than the Lovense Lush, a wireless vibrator which was integrated with Chaturbate, so that it would activate every time a performer got a tip.

It was a clever idea I thought, and I was definitely intrigued, but it was also clear that it wasn't exactly anal safe, or ever designed to be used that way. After all, there was nothing stopping that little pink tail from being pushed or pulled entirely inside the body. 

I couldn't blame those performers though, because even though it was a toy designed for female cammers it was clearly good, and there was no alternative for men, so if they wanted to get in on the action then it was their only choice. 

Lovense apparently recognised that the Lush had proved to be an unexpected hit amongst men, and in response they launched a crowdfunding campaign on IndieGogo last year (which you should definitely read if you're interested in sex toy development) for an all new anal-safe version of the Lush, called the Hush

I was really excited by this, and I knew that I had to try one, so a couple of weeks ago I reached out to Lovense and politely enquired if I might be able to obtain one to review, and right now I'm sat here with one rumbling away inside me as they very kindly agreed. 

The Hush is available in a choice of two sizes, a small and a medium, and obviously I went with the biggest one. I won't go through the sizes of them as I've borrowed a handy chart from their website which you can see below. It's great to see that they're catering to people of different levels of experience though.


What's actually interesting about the two sizes is that internally they're identical, the Medium one is made bigger simply by having a thicker layer of silicone around the exterior. While I do like the fullness of a bigger plug, I'm curious to see if this extra silicone will have any effect on dampening the transmission of the vibrations.


Compared to the aforementioned Lush, the Small Hush is 3mm wider, and has the same length body when you discount the neck, so they're broadly comparable if anyone is thinking of switching from one to the other

The design of the Hush has more or less your typical butt plug shape. There's a nice tapered tip specifically designed for anal insertion, a conical body, a generous neck, and a wide base to make it anal-safe, complete with a little nub which appears to be designed to apply pressure to the perineum, but which is actually intended to be worn the opposite way around as it houses the wireless antenna. There's also some detailing around the neck, in the form of a raised ridge of material which spirals around and up to the underside of the bulb. Interestingly their website states that the neck was carefully designed with this feature to both ensure that the plug stays put during use, and to trap some lube around the sphincter so the plug can easily be removed.

The exterior of the Hush is made from 100% silicone, which is my favourite material, as not only is it body-safe, but it's non-porous and can be completely sterilised, which means as well as being great for hygiene, you can also safely share it with a friend. It features a velvety matte finish, as is standard on most electronic toys with a silicone coating, and is almost seamless. It comes in only one colour, black, which does make the products a little gendered - pink for the female toys, black for the male toys - but it's honestly not something that bothers me, and I can tell you from my insider sex-toy-industry knowledge that pink and black are the best-selling colours for any retailer, so it makes sense.

The Hush can be operated in two ways, either manually via the button on the base, or via the smartphone app. If operating it manually then it has three separate power levels and four different patterns which can be cycled through by simply pressing the button. It's a nice option to have, if for whatever reason you don't feel like using your phone, but most of the time you'll probably be wanting to use the phone app as it offers a far greater degree of control.

The app itself gives you two ways to use it, either by logging into your account - which is essential if you want to take advantage of its Internet-enabled features - or simply by choosing to use it locally. I'd recommend logging into your account in any case, as I did encounter a glitch in the app when using it in local mode, which I'll mention a little further on.


The app has five different functions, which are all actually pretty neat. The first is "Remote" which is just your basic system for controlling the Hush. You simply use a slider to adjust the power of the vibrations, and you have the option of either leaving it on a chosen level, or constantly playing around with it to create your own custom rhythm of pulses. It gives you a really tailored level of control, and is a lot of fun mess around with.

The next mode is "Patterns." It comes with a selection of four pre-set patterns, and also the option to record your own custom patterns, or even try out patterns created by other users. At first I thought this function was broken, as none of the pre-set patterns would work when I selected them, but this was while I was using the app in local mode. As soon as I logged into my account they worked perfectly, so be wary of this glitch. If you want to try out the custom patterns from other users then you need to be logged in anyway. The four default patterns are Pulse, Wave, Fireworks, and Earthquake. Pulse is an intermittent series of vibrations, Wave steadily ramps up and back down again, and Fireworks and Earthquake are a bit more erratic. I found them to all be very enjoyable, but I wouldn't have minded a few more if I'm honest, though the option to try out more from other users does compensate for this, and you can always recreate your favourite pattern from another toy manually if you really want. A couple of clever features within the pattern section are the ability to adjust the speed of each pattern, to make the pulses slower or more rapid for example, and also the option to make playlists of patterns, so you can alternate between various ones without having to change it within the app each time.

The third mode is "Music" and this one I find to be particularly cool. Music vibrators were all the rage a few years ago, but I never actually tried one and can't speak to how good they were, but I had a lot of fun using this with the Hush. The app will search for any local music files you have on your phone, then once you select one it'll play and the Hush will vibrate along in time to the rhythm. It works best with songs with a more simple beat, but it's surprisingly accurate, and did have me giggling quite a bit. The drawback is that you do really need to have music on your phone, as it won't work with Google Play Music, for example, which is where I keep most of my songs, so I ended up testing it out with Steve Grand's "All American Boy" and Cher's "Bang, Bang" which happened to be what I had available (I'm such a gay cliche). It does give you the option to use Spotify, however, but only if you're a premium subscriber.

The fourth option, similar to Music, is "Sound." Here the app accesses your microphone and makes the Hush vibrate in response to anything it picks up. This is probably the least effective mode in my estimation, as it just seems to make the Hush vibrate in response to anything, even when there appears to be complete silence in the room. There is a sensitivity slider to adjust, which I found I needed  to set almost as low as it would go in order to stop it vibrating constantly, and then you can get it to respond when you talk into the microphone, but frankly it's just a bit awkward to use and not particularly fun, so I tend to skip it.

The last option is "Alarm." That's right, you can set an alarm on your Hush. If you're the type of person who's inclined to fall asleep wearing a butt plug, then now you can set it up so that the Hush wakes you up by bursting into full vibration! You can even use it for other alerts; sneaking off for a sexy rendezvous in the afternoon? Why not have the Hush buzz you in the backside as a reminder? It's a nifty little feature to have, though I'm not sure how much use you'd practically get out of it, and its effectiveness would also depend on the battery still being alive, depending on how far into the future you set your alarm.

The other big feature of the app is that it allows for remote control of the plug over the Internet, meaning that you can give your details to another person, and they'll be able to decide when to activate the Hush that you're wearing. This is going to be one of those things that's going to be a lot of fun for couples, especially those having a long distance relationship. It's one thing to jerk off together over Skype, but if you have the power to massage your boyfriend's prostate from halfway across the country, or even the globe, then it adds an extra level of intimacy. It's even great for more risque behaviour, like having someone wear the Hush during the course of a regular day, and then activating the plug while they're out shopping, or at work.

One place that this feature is especially designed for is use in conjunction with camming websites, as I mentioned at the start. There's a whole platform designed to sync it up with Chaturbate, so it should really appeal to any performers on there.

In terms of use the Hush is really comfortable to insert; lube clings beautifully to the matte finish of the silicone, and the long taper helps it to gently slide into place. Obviously as the Hush comes in two sizes you're going to want to pick the one which suits your level of experience, but if you can't decide between them, then I'd say don't be afraid to go for the bigger one, because that generous taper will really help you to work up to inserting it. Once fully inserted the Hush feels great, and I love that fullness that comes with the added girth; it really adds to the overall experience. What's interesting about the Hush is that despite the thicker layer of silicone on the Medium model, there's not really much squish to the surface, so it all feels pretty solid throughout, but still with just enough of a cushion that you can clench your muscles around it without discomfort. One thing I was initially a little sceptical about was the ridges around the neck, but you don't really feel them during use, so there's no need to worry that they might chafe. The design of the base itself is great too; it nestles completely unobtrusively between the buttocks, and you can even sit on it, making it great for everyday and long-term wearing.

Probably the most important aspect of the Hush is the vibrations, and I'm pleased to say that these are impressively strong, and you can definitely feel them penetrating into the prostate. On the whole the vibrations are more rumbly than not, but I'd still probably place them at a medium-rumbly point on the buzzy-to-rumbly scale. As always I'd love just a little more rumblyness to penetrate that bit deeper into the prostate, but as it is it's still pretty great. If we're comparing it with the We-Vibe Ditto (review pending) then the Hush greatly out performs it in terms of both power and rumblyness, but compared to the Lelo Hugo the Hush is less rumbly, and feels slightly less powerful. One thing I did notice about the Hush, which you might consider a drawback, is that the focus of the vibrations appears to be right at the very tip of the plug, which I don't consider to be ideal. If you think about how a plug sits inside the rectum it's the widest point of the bulb which nestles right up against the prostate, not the tip. You do get a slight sense during use that you're not getting the full force of the vibrations directed right into the prostate, and rather it's what's being transmitted back through the body of the plug from the tip, but that doesn't stop it from feeling powerful. One probably has to be realistic here though, because there's only limited space inside a plug to fit all the inner workings, so it's an understandable compromise.

What makes the Hush a really great toy for me is the combination of all the aspects of the design, from the wonderful fullness of the size, as you feel it physically pushing up against the prostate, to the strength of the vibrations that penetrate into the organ. They both complement each other and create a toy which feels really pleasurable, and which adds a whole new level of wonderful sensation whether you're wearing it during masturbation, or even during sex.

The burning question for anyone who's ever watched Chaturbate is exactly how good is it? We've all seen those moments when a guy gets a big tip and he screws up his face and starts to moan in ecstasy, and we all kinda figured that they had to be acting to a degree, so is that realistic? Well frankly, no. It definitely feels great, but it's not eyes-rolling-back-into-your-head instantly-orgasmic great, at least not for me, but that would be a hell of a lot to expect from a toy anyway. It isn't a million miles away from that though. With a little more of a deeper rumble, and the full force of the vibrations focused right on the prostate, I could envision myself giving out a little yelp at the first pulse from it.


The next point of consideration is connectivity, because when a toy is largely controlled via a phone app it's paramount that the two maintain wireless communication, especially if you're wearing the Hush out somewhere where you may need to switch it off quickly. The Hush does a fantastic job in this regard, and whilst wearing it under a pair of underwear and a pair of trousers, I was able to walk halfway across a room from my phone and come back to find it was still connected. This was one of my big gripes about the We-Vibe Ditto, as the thing would disconnect at the slightest moment, but the Hush does a great job. In instances where it does disconnect (because I've wandered too far from my phone), normally it reconnects itself automatically, though there have been a couple of occasions where I had to quit the app entirely and turn the Hush off and back on again with the switch in order to re-establish connection, but for the most part it's been very reliable.

The question of noise is something which you may want to take into account if you're considering using the Hush in public. In general terms it's something I'd class as a quiet toy, but it's definitely loud enough that if you're walking around using it then anyone nearby is going to be able to hear it, so it's not discreet in that regard. It's perfect for bedroom use, but you may get a few bemused looks from people if you walk past them buzzing. This is probably the one area where the whisper quiet We-Vibe Ditto has the edge.

The Hush is advertised as having 1.5 - 2 hours of continuous use, after which it'll require recharging with the included USB cable. It has a slightly old-fashioned style charger which must physically be plugged into the toy, rather than the magnetic connectors we've all become accustomed to in recent years. Once plugged in a red light will glow on the base to indicate charging, but unfortunately the light shines through the black silicone and is incredibly faint, so it's hard to tell at a glance if it's actually charging without cupping your hand around the base to get a better view, but once plugged in you can generally leave it alone for a few hours to charge by itself, and then come back to a full battery ready for use.

In terms of care the Hush is waterproof, so you can easily give it a good cleaning after use, without worrying about damaging it, which makes maintenance nice and straight-forward.


I have to say that on the whole the Lovense Hush is probably my favourite vibrating butt plug that I own, and that's saying a lot. It's really well made, has a beautiful design, feels comfortable to wear, and has wonderful strong vibrations. It also happens to be by far the most effective wireless app-connected product I've tried to date, not to mention being packed with features. It's not strictly a prostate massager, but when it comes to any vibrating butt toy for men it's undoubtedly the prostate where we want to feel everything, and the Hush does a really good job on that front. It's by no means perfect, but as much as I'd love a little more rumble, or a little less noise, of all the vibrating butt plugs on the market today this is the one that I'd buy, and the one that I'd recommend.

Many thanks to Lovense for sending me a Hush to review. You can purchase one right now directly from their website.


Lovehoney Returns Policy Change

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In case you're like me and managed to miss this announcement, on January 19th of this year Lovehoney changed their famous returns policy. 

Since Lovehoney was founded in 2002 they've had possibly the most generous returns policy in all of retail, a 365 day no-quibble guarantee to refund or replace any purchase for any reason, up to 1 year after the initial transaction. 

This was a revolutionary policy, and a big part of why I've been recommending Lovehoney to people for years. Even with all the reviews in the world you never know if a toy is actually going to work for you, so the beauty of the policy is that you could try out a product in the safe knowledge that you wouldn't end up losing out.

Sadly now that policy has gone, and been replaced by a more standard one. Fear not though, for any items purchased before January 19th 2018 the old policy is still in effect, so there's still time to take advantage of it should you need to for any reason. 

The new returns policy is far more restrictive and offers:
  • A full refund on products which are unopened and unused, up to 30 days after purchase.
  • A one year guarantee to replace any faulty items.
  • The option to swap a used toy for another of similar value within 30 days from purchase.

I think it's a real shame that this happened, but I guess things like this couldn't last forever. Make sure you're aware before splashing out this Black Friday.

We-Vibe Ditto

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So November is here, the month of gunpowder, treason, and plot - Thanksgiving if you're across the pond - and Black Friday seemingly everywhere now. It's also a reminder to me that I've had this little toy in my possession for a year now, and it's about time that I put my thoughts down on paper.

Following on from my recent review of the Hush, here's one that's long overdue.

My favourite vibrator of all time has to be the We-Vibe Salsa / Tango. It’s a pocket-sized powerhouse which delivers unbelievably intense deep rumbly vibrations, and is almost unrivalled in the realm of bullet vibes. Right from the moment I got one my only thought was “if only they could put the motor from this into a prostate massager; surely I’d be in heaven,” so when We-Vibe announced their new Ditto last year I was on the edge of my seat.

Despite having had some issues with We-Vibe products in the past, such as my Salsa’s unstable charging dock, followed by its sudden death, and my Tango mysteriously developing a giant crack in one side, I decided to take the plunge and spend my own money on a Ditto rather than waiting and trying to get a review unit. Ultimately this was encouraged by a hefty Black Friday discount over at Lovehoney last year, and while it’s taken me a while to get around to reviewing it, it’s time to finally reveal my thoughts. 

The Ditto is a relatively small toy, especially by the standard of something of the things I’ve used in the past. It seems to be aimed more at the curious-beginner end of the market; guys who are looking for that non-threatening luxury toy with which to safely take their first steps into prostate stimulation. 

The main bulb of the toy is only 3” in length, with a 3 ¾” circumference around the widest point, and it features a slightly curious shape. From one angle it looks like a traditional plug design, but then rotate it 90 degrees and it’s completely flat on the back, like a butt plug that’s been cut in half. The result is that you get that rounded protruding portion facing towards the prostate, while the flat reverse helps to reduce the overall girth. The bulb has a tiny neck measuring only 1 ¾” around, which connects to a generous base below. The base sits up against the perineum, anchoring the Ditto securely outside the body, and including both the power button and magnetic charging port. Interestingly the base is completely perpendicular to the bulb of the toy, giving it a distinctly “L” shape, rather than being angled to force the bulb against the prostate as seen in many similar toys. 

The Ditto has a selection of ten different power settings, including a choice of nine vibration patterns in addition to a constant mode. When you hold the Ditto in your hand and crank it all the way up to max it does feel quite strong, and you can feel the focal point of the vibrations right at the front of the bulb, where it’ll make contact with the prostate. Comparing it to the Tango, however, reveals that it’s significantly underpowered, so unfortunately it's not quite the Tango for the butt that I’d always dreamed of. The various patterns are named Pulse, Wave, Tease, Ramp, Tempo, Massage, Step, Heartbeat, and Cha Cha Cha, and  are all well thought out and enjoyable to use, but there’s also a clever option included to design your own vibration patterns using the phone app, if you fancy something unique to your own tastes.

Inserting the plug is nice and easy thanks to its small size, and it fits comfortably inside the body. You feel its subtle presence there, but it doesn’t feel in any way filling, and there’s no real sense of any pressure being applied to the prostate. The base of the ditto nestles nicely up against the perineum, and the whole thing feels completely unobtrusive when you’re walking around, and even allows you to sit down on it. 

How the Ditto performs is actually a bit of a mixed bag, rather confusingly. Through the 11 or so months I’ve had it I’ve naturally tried it out several times, and I’ve struggled to settle on a final position on how I feel about it. On some occasions the plug feels pretty great, and on others it feels entirely lacklustre; the question is why? It is the same plug after all, the same size, the same shape, the same power, why doesn’t it deliver consistent sensations? The conclusion I’ve reached is that the performance of the Ditto depends largely on what you do in the preceding time. If I haven’t used any toys anally for a while before I try out the Ditto, then it appears to perform really rather well, but if I’ve been regularly using other toys – especially larger toys – then somehow the vibrations of the Ditto get lost almost entirely and the whole experience feels rather poor. The does present a bit of a tricky situation, because if you’re a beginner and the Ditto is your first toy then it’s going to be great, but for anyone who enjoys - or plans to enjoy - more active butt-play in their life, then there’s going to be large swathes of time where the Ditto just can’t effectively be used. I can only imagine that because of the Ditto’s small size, adequate prostate contact becomes paramount to its effectiveness, and if your prostate becomes accustomed to firm pressure, or being relocated slightly in one direction, then it diminishes what the Ditto is able to achieve. This theory seems to be somewhat supported by the fact that the Ditto appears to perform better when you’re already significantly aroused, for example if you’ve been edging for a prolonged period and the prostate is well primed to initiate an ejaculation.

When the Ditto does perform at its peak it’s a very enjoyable toy. The vibrations are strong, deep, and have that rumbly feel which allows them to penetrate into the prostate. The first time I used it I was actually really impressed by everything I was feeling. Despite its small size it can certainly pack a punch, though sadly it doesn't reach that same intensity as the Tango, and I always crave more power in any toy. The choice of patterns is one thing which stands out about it, because while a constant vibration feels nice you become accustomed to it all too soon, whereas those rhythmic pulses act as a constant stream of fresh sensation. It’s one of those toys which is great both in and out of the bedroom, whether you be walking around, or sat down doing something, it can be very pleasant to have that sensation of your prostate being gently massaged. When sexual activity is involved, however, it’s a definite enhancement, be you wearing it while having some personal time with a good porn film, or enjoying a partner. That added sensation and stimulation of the prostate in the lead up towards an orgasm always makes the climax feel that much better. The Ditto is like having a little supercharged booster in your butt. 

The Ditto can be controlled exclusively via the button on its base, but is intended to be operated primarily by either the included wireless remote, or a downloadable phone app. The remote is a small plasticky thing featuring four simple buttons, but it’s enough to get the job done. The up/down arrows control the power level of the Ditto, as well as turning it on or off, while the left/right arrows cycle through the various vibration patterns. The app is much more interesting, and my preferred way to use the Ditto, because it gives a visual representation of each pattern. It seems to be fairly well designed, and it’s easy to swipe your way through the pattern choices, and drag the intensity slider up and down.

The big question with any wireless toy is what the range is like, and this is unfortunately where the Ditto falls down. Provided you remain completely naked the toy will stay connected to your phone or the remote, but as soon as you put on some underwear and a pair of trousers it starts to have signal problems, even with your phone placed in one of your trouser pockets. For me half the fun of having a wireless phone-operated toy is the possibility of wearing it while out and about, and activating it at will, but when it constantly disconnects that causes problems. One major flaw is the fact that it won’t automatically reconnect, and has to be manually paired with the phone again on every occasion. Imagine a situation where you’re using the Ditto, you suddenly want to turn it off to avoid someone noticing the vibration sounds, only to discover that it’s disconnected, and the only way to operate it again is to reach into your pants and hold down the power button. Rather facilitating a fun and slightly naughty experience, it’s more likely to send you into a panic, and it almost defeats the entire point of the feature. 

On the subject of sound the Ditto is actually one of the more quiet toys I've used, which probably is a consequence of the power level not being all the way up there. I can definitely hear it slightly when I'm wearing it, but there's always that question of whether you're hearing the sound waves passing through the air, or through your own body. I wouldn't feel self-conscious to wear it out in a crowded public place, but stood in the muted atmosphere of a lift would have me a little worried. 

The quality of the Ditto is pretty top notch as far as I can tell. It's all perfectly sealed up in a seamless coating of velvety silicone, meaning you can sterilise it after use and share it with a partner if desired. It also has a magnetic charger, so it's waterproof when it comes to clean up, and a 90 minute charge should provide up to 2 hours of use.

The Ditto is a tricky one for me to wrap up, because ultimately I am disappointed in it, but I also see its merits. The lack of power it has compared to the Tango, the fact that it doesn't deliver consistent sensations, and all the issues with the wireless connection make it a bit of a damp squib to me. I had such high hopes, such high expectations, and ultimately it fell far short. On the other hand there are things it does well; it's well made, attractive, the app is functional and easy to navigate, it has a good selection of patterns, it's whisper quiet. If you're a beginner who wants a small toy, which doesn't need to be excessively powerful, but still has good quality vibrations, and who doesn't plan to wear it out of the house, then the Ditto could actually be a great toy for you. The stumbling block for me is the price-tag. When last I checked it was selling for £110, and for that sort of money I'd want it to do it all. For that sort of money I couldn't tolerate the flaws. Ultimately that's going to be a choice for you the consumer though. I don't want to discourage We-Vibe too much, because for a first attempt at a vibrating plug it's not a bad effort. I'd love to see them come back with something a little bigger, with the full power of the Tango, and with those connectivity problems properly ironed out. Do that and they'd be onto a winner, I'm certain of it.

The We-Vibe Ditto is available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, and SheVibe

Latex Soccer Shirt

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Hello kinksters! Today we're going to be looking at something a little bit different, and in the process broadening my horizons: a brand new Latex Shirt from Honour.co.uk!

I must confess, I'm not as into the whole fetish scene as I know many people are these days. Sure I like a bit of bondage porn as much as the next guy, and harnesses are pretty much mainstream in the gay community now, but I still feel a little uncomfortable around grown men dressed as puppies, and the head-to-toe rubber gimp suit I fear will always remain a mystery to me. I do like to stay open minded about pretty much everything related to sex though, so when Honour got in touch and asked if I'd like to review their Latex Soccer Shirt I thought it would be a great opportunity to try something new and share it here.  


The shirt comes in an assortment of sizes, from Small all the way through to XL, and it features this wonderful tapered cut. It starts off wide around the shoulders, but steadily narrows inwards as you move down to the waist, resulting in a really fitted look which emphasises the V-shape of the male body. 

The shirt is quite long, which is great for anyone who has a long trunk to their body, but if most of your height comes from your legs then you'll find the shirt coming down a little too far past your hips and sitting around the top of your buttocks. Because of how the shirt's made there's nothing to stop you from very carefully trimming some material off the bottom to get the perfect fit you want, so it's quite customisable in that regard. 

The shirt comes unpolished as standard, which means that it looks quite different out of the packet to the shiny product image at the top, but I'm actually quite partial to the standard matte look. The advantage to this is that you can finish the shirt exactly how you want it, and Honour also kindly supplied me with some Skin Two Dress & Shine Serum which is available on their site. 

Putting the shirt on for the first time was actually surprisingly easy I found. It comes with a light dusting of talc on the inside, which helps it to slide over the skin. Once it's on it has a nice-snug fit, but there's still plenty of room to move about without feeling overly restricted by it. The sensation of having your whole upper body encased in latex is really quite a novel one at first, like wearing a giant marigold washing up glove.

The look of the shirt is actually something I loved. It's really flattering, from the fitted shape to the v-neck, and the big panels of colour. As someone who's been too lazy to go to the gym in the past 18 months, I felt amazing in a garment that was essentially vacuum packing me.

One thing I slightly worried about with the shirt was body temperature, because latex is the opposite of a breathable fabric, but somehow I didn't end up feeling too sweaty or overheated after wearing it, even with my central heating cranked up to the mid 20s this Winter. 

The only difficulty I did have with the shirt was when it came to taking it off. I don't know if there's a special technique that I'm missing, but it was a bit of an ordeal. I was especially conscious about the possibility of damaging it after reading some warnings. You can't really roll it up over itself, or stretch it too hard, so it becomes a case of inching yourself out of it slowly bit by it. If you're gonna go out clubbing in a latex shirt, then don't get drunk, because I can't even imagine trying to go through that at 4am, with the co-ordination skills of someone who tried every cocktail on the menu and really wants to just go to sleep.

The quality of the shirt seems great to me. The latex is sturdy and sufficiently thick, the seams all seem to be secure and heat-bonded, and I haven't been able to find any defects on it, so I feel pretty-assured that it's a well-made piece of clothing. 

I'm hoping I've covered all the bases here. If there's something I've missed out then let me know in the comments, and likewise if you have any tips about latex clothing then leave them below!

Many thanks to Honour for sending me the Latex Soccer Shirt to review. I think it's a great piece of beginner fetish gear if you're looking to ease yourself into the scene, and it definitely gets my recommendation. It's available right now from their website

Nexus Prostate Attachment for Doxy No. 3

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Today we're going to be taking a look at the all new prostate massager attachment for the Doxy No. 3, courtesy of the fine folks over at Nexus.

A little over a year ago I was casually scrolling through my instagram feed, when what should I spot but this:

It was none other than a collaboration between the UK's premier maker of massage wands, Doxy, and premier maker of prostate massagers, Nexus. As someone who loves both types of toys I was instantly excited. I could only imagine feeling the sheer strength of a mains-powered vibrating wand pressed right up against my prostate, and I knew that I had to make this happen. 

Back in May I had the pleasure of reviewing the Doxy No.3, and a couple of months ago Nexus finally released their long-awaited attachment, and were kind enough to send me one to review. 

The attachment takes the shape of a typical Nexus prostate massager, bearing a strong resemblance to the Revo specifically. It's made from one solid, seamless, piece of matte black silicone, and because it's not hollowed out for a load of internal electronics, it has quite some weight to it. Despite the overall size of the attachment, the insertable portion is only around 3 3/4" long, with a maximum girth of 4 1/4", making it an accessible toy for those with all levels of anal experience. 

The attachment connects by first unscrewing the silicone end cap from the head of the Doxy, and then inserting the now-exposed threads of the head into an aluminium cup embedded in the base of the attachment, and gently fastening. Once you've figured out what to do it's a very simple process, but I must admit that beforehand I wasn't even aware that the silicone cap could be removed that way.


Immediately you do notice a change in the feel of the Doxy, because the No.3 is known for its lightness, and with the attachment on the end the overall weight becomes much more apparent. Luckily though, because of the nature of a prostate massager, you won't be constantly holding it as you would during regular Doxy use, so that added heft isn't too bothersome. 

In terms of use the attachment is nice and easy to insert into the body. The matt surface holds on to lube well and it comfortably glides into place. It's not the most soft or squishy silicone in the world, but in this instance you actually want something firm to hold its shape and best transmit the vibrations. Once its fully in place the external portion sits nicely up against the perineum, while the shape of the internal portion puts just the right amount of pressure on the prostate for a pleasant feeling. 

The Doxy is operated in the usual fashion, so I won't go over it again as it's covered in my previous review. When it's turned on you can really feel the strength of the Doxy transmitting through the attachment and into the body. One interesting thing to note is that the Doxy was clearly designed and carefully calibrated to perform optimally in its standard configuration, so adding the extra weight of the prostate attachment to the head does alter its characteristics. The motor struggles to vibrate that heavy tip with the same intensity as it would ordinarily, and you get a greater degree of feedback in the handle as a result. What that means for performance is that you don't quite get the full power of the Doxy that you might have been expecting, but it still delivers good strong vibrations which outmatch a lot of other products on the market. The other thing to note is that the way the attachment is designed means that the vibrations are generated outside the body, and therefore they're felt more strongly against the perineum than they are the prostate. This is an obvious contrast to a specialised prostate massager which generates the vibrations internally, and as such they feel much more focused against the prostate. 

The key point for me here would be what exactly you're shopping for. If you're looking for the best prostate experience ever, with the strongest vibrations, then I'd honestly recommend buying a specialist prostate massager. If on the other hand you're not looking to shell out all that money on a high-end standalone prostate massager, and you want something a little more versatile that you can use on yourself and a partner, then the Doxy No.3 + Nexus Attachment combo is honestly a great option. 

The vibrations from the Doxy feel really great against the prostate, and strong too. Coupled with that little bit of pressure that the shape of the attachment provides, you get a really pleasurable experience, whether using it on constant vibration mode, or set to the pulsing pattern. A nice way to take it up another notch is with a little bit of gentle thrusting, just to manually massage the prostate with the tip of the attachment at the same time. With all that going on it's a fantastic way to take you masturbation sessions up to another level. 

I have to say that on the whole I am pretty impressed with the Nexus Prostate Attachment for the Doxy No. 3. It may not have delivered quite the mind-blowing experience that I'd always imagined from such a pairing, and it could use a few tweaks here and there, mainly in the weight department, but overall it does do a good job. If you're looking for a multipurpose toy that hits all the bases well, and won't break the bank, then I'd definitely recommend picking up the Nexus Prostate Attachment for your Doxy.

Many thaks to Nexus for kindly sending me one to review. You can pick one up right now from Lovehoney!

Austin Wilde Dildo

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A few weeks ago I was contacted by the folks over at Toys 4 Naughty Boys who asked if I'd be interested in doing a review for them. As tempted as I was by many of the products I saw on their site, once I discovered they had a selection of Fleshjack Boys I knew exactly what I was asking for. 

Today I'm going to be looking at the dildo of none other than gay porn star and 35-year-old founder of GuysInSweatpants.com, Austin Wilde. This makes the 11th Fleshjack Boys dildo in my collection, not that I'm obsessed or anything, but I really do love them. 


I should start by saying that when it comes to porn stars - and men generally - Austin Wilde really isn't my type. I think in all my time watching porn I've only ever seen one film that he's been in, and that was because of my interest in the other guy. I point this out because it marks a departure from why I'm typically such a big fan of Fleshjack Boys dildos; the fantasy. 

There's a mental factor that makes it incredibly exciting to think that you're going to own a replica of a piece of your favourite porn star, to touch it, to hold it, to examine it up close, to feel it inside you. This is especially true when that piece happens to be your favourite star's picture-perfect penis, the like of which you only find in porn.

This obviously isn't the case for me here, and further to my last point, even taking it just as a disembodied appendage, Austin Wilde doesn't exactly have the most attractive penis if I'm honest. The head is a little small, the shaft is kind of lumpy and irregular, the whole thing starkly changes colour halfway down, and it has this jagged lopsided circumcision scar that looks like it was left by a doctor working blindfolded. What I'm saying is that in the pantheon of porn star dicks it's not winning any beauty contests.

So why did I want it then? Well aside from the fact that I know that Fleshjack make fantastic products, my experience of sticking hundreds of things up my butt over the past six years has taught me that when it comes to anal pleasure, appearance is pretty low down on the list of important factors. What really counts is shape, size, and material, and how they're all combined. I saw no reason to write off the Austin Wilde dildo just because physically he isn't my cup of tea. Something told me that it could be a great toy, and spoiler alert: it feels fantastic.


The Austin Wilde dildo is quite a sizeable piece of kit. It measures in at a total length of 7 1/2", with a comfortable 6" that are actually insertable, but the real talking point is the girth. Around the middle it measures an impressive 6 1/4", so it's not one for the beginners out there. 

The shape of the dildo starts off with a modestly-sized head, which has the effect of giving a welcome bit of taper to a dildo with a beastly girth later on. The head is for the most part smooth, with only some minor detailing visible, and on the dorsal side it has a slightly prominent coronal ridge which gives a nice little bump before heading down to the shaft. On the reverse the head features a really deep meatus, which runs from the very tip right down to the base of the glans, where it meets up with a raised ridge of frenulum remnant that extends diagonally down the shaft and to the right. 

The shaft itself has a fairly interesting shape. It starts off relatively narrow just below the head, steadily increasing in thickness towards the midpoint, then narrowing again as it approaches the balls. Spinning the dildo 90 degrees and looking at it from the side reveals that it also grows wide along this axis, though only on one side, giving the subtle appearance of a dorsal "hump." The shaft has much more visible detailing to be appreciated than the head. Here you can see major veins branching along the length, subtle surface blood vessels wigging about, and all the varying skin textures in intricate detail. This is one of the things which I really love about Fleshjack dildos, the incredible realism that they capture. 

At the very base of the dildo is a nice set of balls. There's not a whole lot of say about them, other than that they complete the package to give you all of Austin, and that they provide the dildo with excellent stability if you plan to stand it up at any point. 

The dildo is made from 100% platinum silicone and has a nice bit of squish to it when you squeeze it. As much as I do enjoy this shore of silicone, personally I prefer something ever so slightly softer, like that used by Vixen Creations or Mr Hankey's toys, as I find it a little more lifelike in sensation. As always because it's a silicone product it's completely body-safe and non-toxic, and can be sterilised after use and shared with a partner if desired. 

In terms of use I found the dildo to be an absolute unexpected pleasure. The head is small enough that it's possible to insert it comfortably without the need for any warm-up toys, provided you have a little bit of prior experience. As you go down the shaft you notice that first bump from the ridge of the head, and then it just feels as though it's getting bigger and bigger as it continues to gently stretch you out. Just as you start to think that it's beginning to get too much, there's a moment of relief as you feel it narrow ever so slightly, and it continues in this direction until you reach the balls, trading that sense of a stretch in your sphincter for one of fullness near the prostate. 

What makes it a joy is once you start to thrust with it, and you experience this whole series of events again, and in reverse, and at an ever more increasing speed. It's like a wave passing through your body, as you feel your sphincter expand and contract, ebb and flow with every in and out, and simultaneously you feel that fullness inside and pressure against the prostate, and then the lull. There are definitely toys which work in different ways, and this is one which delivers the bulk of its amazing and unique sensations right to the sphincter, and I could honestly thrust with it for ages just to feel the pleasure of that rhythmic stretching. 

I'm happy to say that it does also work great on the prostate, thanks to that ridge on the head and the hump around the thickest point of the shaft. It's not a crazily intense prostate stimulation like you get from some toys with really sharp angles or deep grooves in the shaft, but with every thrust you feel the dildo hit the prostate and firmly rub it to great effect. My favourite method is to ride the dildo, and in this position you can really angle your body to bend the shaft and pull it right into the prostate to maximise the sensation. Another thing I like is how comfortable it is to fully insert the dildo. I'm not a great one with length, but I found I could get to a point where I was sitting on top of the balls with nowhere else to go, which allows great flexibility to thrust vigorously without worrying that you're going to poke yourself uncomfortably.

It's a dildo that keeps on giving, and the more you play with it the more you discover. I joked on Twitter that every dick you sit on tells its own story, but there is truth in that. It's like a little journey as you get to know it and figure out all its quirks and the things it can do for your body. I keep finding that I enjoy it more every time I come back to it, and it is immensely satisfying. 


I have to say that I really am a huge fan of the Austin Wilde dildo. It may not be the prettiest dick in the world, and I may not have any fantasies about the man to whom it belongs, but boy can it get the job done. Whether you're someone who dreams of getting a good hard fucking from Austin Wilde or not, you're going to want to know what it feels like to ride this dildo, and I wholeheartedly recommend it.

Many thanks to Toys 4 Naughty Boys for sending me this dildo to review. You can grab one right now from their website


Taintacle dildo by Hankey's Toys

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Back towards the end of October I was in London visiting a friend, and after a nice dinner in Soho we decided to pop into CloneZone for a mooch around before heading down to G-A-Y to watch Monet Xchange.

This is where I first encountered Mr Hankey's Toys. It's unusual for me to discover a new brand these days, but there stood a whole cabinet of these wonderful looking silicone creations, and one immediately took my eye - The Rentman.

When I got home I immediately looked them up, and decided that I'd pop them an e-mail and see if they'd be open to sending me a Rentman to review. As it turned out they got back to me and instead generously offered 3 products of my choice, and now is the time to finally tell you all about these incredible toys, starting with the Taintacle.


When it comes to dildos I've generally stuck to two categories, phallic and non-phallic - that is dildos which explicitly look like a penis, and those occupying that broad space between a rolling pin shape and a piece of modern art. Beyond this there is, however, a whole world of fascinating fantasy dildos out there to explore, but I've never had the opportunity before, and frankly as much as I enjoyed Teen Wolf I always found myself lusting over Tyler Posey's actual penis, more than an artist's interpretation of what his werewolf form might have between its hind legs.

The first time I saw the Taintacle I immediately knew that it had to be one of my three. With its seafoam green colour, wavy shaft, and the amusing thought of Japanese tentacle porn in the back of my mind, it was something that I couldn't resist, and I was ready to pop my fantasy dildo cherry.


The Taintacle comes in three sizes, Small, LG/XL, and XXL. I opted for the Small, because one thing you quickly learn about Hankey's Toys is that their baseline is pretty big, and things only go up from there. The Small measures 8 1/2" from base to tip, with 8" insertable, though I should stress that I'm taking a straight measurement here, and it's an inch more if you follow all the curves of the shaft with a tape measure. In terms of circumference it's 7 1/4" around the widest point near the base, 6" right in the middle, and the tip tapers away to almost nothing, but it's 4 1/4" just before the first bend. 

The design of the Taintacle is pure tentacle through and through. It has this wonderful wavy shaft that curves back and forth in a slightly flattened S-shape, giving the real look of a sea creature reaching out with one of its arms. On one side it has a double row of raised suction cups which runs two thirds of the way down the shaft, and then at the base and up the opposite side it has some fascinating detailing that looks like tensed muscles. The tapering of the Taintacle is wonderfully gentle, so it naturally increases from its slender tip all the way down to the chunky base.

The Taintacle is made from 100% platinum silicone, and comes in a choice of two firmnesses - Medium Firm and 75% Soft. I opted for the 75% Soft and it's so gloriously squishy - I loved the feel of it in my hand even before it went anywhere near my butt. Not only that but the surface of the silicone is incredibly smooth and glossy, with not a seam in sight.

One of my favourite things about the look of the Taintacle is the colour, this amazing pearlescent seafoam green which really catches the light. It's the perfect colour for it, and the natural choice, but there's also the option to order one in Black, Brown, or Tan if you desire, though these options seem infinitely less appealing to my mind.

In terms of use the Taintacle is lovely and easy to insert thanks to the gentle taper of its pointed tip, but due to the angle of it and the softness of the silicone you will need to initially guide it in with a hand, rather than just sitting on it.

As you go down the dildo you feel it steadily stretching you out, but its also a really unique sensation. The shape, the smoothness, the softness of the shaft, everything so slick with lube, it really feels quite alien, like the appendage of a cephalopod winding its way and probing into your insides. Frankly I love it for that; if you ever imagined a tentacle being forced up your butt, this is exactly what you would expect it to feel like.

The insertion is something of a story of two halves. There's the first section, and then there's the point where the shaft bends suddenly in the opposite direction. This I found complicates things, because not only does it get much thicker at this point, but when you've lined up your body perfectly with the direction of the initial bend it can be confusing where to go next. Should you keep going, should you do a 180 with the dildo while it's still inside you?

I found that both options worked well to some extent, though you must be careful as despite being so soft the pointed tip can still poke you uncomfortably in places, and almost feel as though it's snagging on the rectal lining. By wiggling it around while bearing my weight down on it I was finally able to insert it fully, and oh did it feel good. The stretch and the fullness of that final section, with all its girth and squishiness was well worth the effort. The interesting thing is that because the toy is so soft, even with all your weight on it it sometimes doesn't go any further, because the silicone merely compresses, so you have to have patience and coax it along a little.

You don't actually have to insert the Taintacle all the way to enjoy it though, thrusting with the upper two thirds of it puts it in a position where the raised suction cups will rub against your prostate and this is a truly lovely feeling.  Thrusting is one of the real pleasures of this toy because it combines so many sensations: the unusual feeling of this alien object probing you, its soft fleshy mass rubbing your prostate in the process, and not to forget that stretch. It's honestly enough to turn anyone into a tentacle convert. It's not the most targeted prostate toy in the way that some dildos are, but I could honestly enjoy the feeling of that big bulging bend massaging my prostate with its texture for a good part of the afternoon. If you had a sex machine to use it with then that could be honestly amazing. 


I have to say that I am a huge fan of the Taintacle, and if you're looking for a toy that's a little bit different, then I can't recommend this one enough. It even looks great as an ornament in the bathroom. I really am incredibly impressed with my first experience with this brand; the toys are beautiful and made to exceptional standards. Many thanks to Hankey's Toys for sending the Taintacle to me, and you can buy it right now from CloneZone in the UK, or directly from their website if you're anywhere else in the world! 


Dragon Dildo by Hankey's Toys

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If you enjoyed my review of the Taintacle yesterday, then today we're going to be looking at the Dragon from Mr Hankey. 


I must admit that there was a little confusion on my part when I first picked out the Dragon to review. I'd just been looking at the Alien Breeder on their website before I stumbled across the Dragon, a toy that's a full on replica of the xenomorph that burst out of John Hurt's chest aboard the Nostromo in 1979, and so when I saw the Dragon I assumed it was in fact a dragon - a whole dragon. Sure it didn't have wings, or legs, or a tail, but I could see something head-shaped, and I figured that it was stylised with everything tucked away to give it sleek shape. It wasn't until I actually got the dildo and examined it in person that I realised it was in actuality intended to be a Dragon penis, rather than a scaled-down version of one of Daenerys' children. Don't laugh too hard at me. 


The Dragon comes in four primary sizes: Small, Medium/Large, XL, and XXXL. As I said before Mr Hankey's toys come big, and even the smallest of these seemed a little too much for me, but luckily for those of us who feel that way, they've introduced an Xtra-Small series of 9 of their most popular toys, and it was from here that I picked my Dragon. The XS measures 7 1/2" in length, with around 6" of that being insertable, and the circumference at the widest point is 6 1/8", so it's by no means a tiny toy.  

The design of the Dragon is wonderfully detailed; at the top it has this angular head which looks a bit like the skull of a triceratops, and along the top and bottom runs a column of big bold scales, which look like solid plates of bone. Down either side is a subtle snakeskin texture, and at the very base are some folds which suggest the retractable nature of the reptilian phallus. The overall shape of it is quite interesting; it starts out with a tapered tip which then follows a standard curve on the dorsal side, peaking midway along the length before narrowing in again towards the base. The other side is quite different, the curve peaks about a third of the way down, then in dips into a trough at the two-thirds mark, before slightly widening again before the base. This all gives the effect of putting a nice big bulge right at the top half of the dildo, on one side. 

The Dragon is made from 100% platinum silicone, and comes in a choice of two firmnesses - Medium Firm and 75% Soft. I opted for the 75% Soft again and I really do love how gloriously squishy it is. It's fun to just squeeze in your hand before it goes anywhere near your butt. The surface is a little more matte than the Taintacle and doesn't have that glossy sheen to it, which is more suited to the look of a dragon. Again it's a completely seamless toy, moulded in one solid piece.

The standard Dragon comes in a choice of three colours, Black, Brown, or Tan, but the XS is also available in a choice of Blood Red, Metallic Green, and Bubblegum Pink. I opted for the red and I think it looks fantastic, so there are advantages to going small.  

In terms of use, the first time I went to insert the Dragon I was a little hesitant. Sure it looks amazing with all those ridges and scales, but was that going to be too much texture I wondered? As much as texture can feel amazing I really didn't want to cheese-grater my sphincter, but luckily my worries were unfounded. Once again I have to say that it's all down to the wonderfully soft silicone in these products.

As you first insert the Dragon it definitely feels unusual. Coming straight on from the Taintacle it's a stark contrast from just how insanely smooth that toy is. The Dragon has a nice taper, but immediately you feel those bumps everywhere, and the friction they create requires a little more force to push it in. Happily there's no discomfort to be felt from the texture, and despite its sharp appearance it feels rather good as it slips into place. The XS isn't the largest toy in the world, and that was intentional on my part, because as I've mentioned considerably bigger versions are definitely available, but with this amount of texture this size feels just right. There was enough stretch and fullness from the dildo, and stimulation from the texture, but without it being overwhelming, which was exactly what I was looking for. In order to enjoy texture you really need a little bit of looseness to your sphincter during use; if its stretched to your limit then heavy texture is only going to irritate it. One other thing I like about the toy how the bottom half of the shaft is narrower than the top, so as you're inserting it you reach a peak, and then progress onward to a lull where your sphincter can contract and relax a little.

The key to this toy has to be thrusting with it, because boy oh boy, that's where the Dragon shows you what it's all about. There are two main ways in which you can orient it, with the rim of the "head" facing towards the prostate, or away from it, and each gives you a slightly different texture of scales down the length of the shaft. Both feel great, but personally I prefer the ventral side because it also features that bulge in the shaft that I mentioned before, and this hits the prostate especially well. The texture honestly feels amazing, it's really intense and you can feel it working its way over the prostate, as well as all the pleasant stimulation that it gives to the sphincter. I just kept wanting to ride it faster and faster until it almost became too much and I had to slow down again. It's one of those toys which shows you how you can accomplish the same thing via a different route, because a toy doesn't have to be huge to really work well on the prostate, and something smaller with an amazing design can do the job just as well with a few carefully placed bumps and ridges. If you're able to comfortably take some of the bigger models then I imagine it could feel even more amazing, though personally I like to keep size and texture separate and go for one or the other.


The Dragon is definitely a lot of fun. Not only does it look amazing but it's also a fantastic ride, and the perfect way to fulfil your Game of Thrones fantasy - well the one which doesn't involve Kit Harrington. 

I've got to say I'm really impressed by the Dragon; it's another quality piece from the folks over at Hankey's Toys, and I've had a great time testing it out. Many thanks to them for providing me with it, and you can pick up the Dragon in several sizes from CloneZone in the UK, and the full range including the XS is available direct from the Mr Hankey website.

The Rentman Dildo by Hankey's Toys

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And so we finally come to the Rentman, the dildo which started it all and first drew me to the wonderful brand that is Mr Hankey.

I can't think of a better way to kick off 2019, and I hope you're ready for it too!

(I apologise for the quality of the photos in this review. I don't think that retail product images do the dildo proper justice, and I struggled to take any myself that I was happy with. I'll try to replace them with something better in due course. Here's a good shot taken by another blogger, Xander.)

In the pantheon of realistic dildos the Rentman is a whopper, a Goliath, a toy you can hardly imagine was directly moulded from a real man. Who is he for that matter, can his partners walk without needing a wheelchair afterwards, does anyone truly know?

There's a reason why I left this one until last, and that's because frankly I needed to work my way up to it through my journey of other toys first. As much as I love a big toy it's just not every day that I use one, and they do require a bit of prep - not to mention that smaller toys just don't feel quite the same in their wake.

As with all Hankey products the Rentman is available in an assortment of sizes, Small, Medium, Large/XL, and XXXL, which is a little funny if you think about it. I don't know that I've ever encountered a company upsizing people's dicks before, but I think they might actually be onto something. If you've read my last two reviews then you won't be surprised to hear that I picked the Small model, which also happens to be the life-sized version. This was partly for practical reasons (which you'll understand when we get to the dimensions) and partly because I wanted to experience this thing in its true form. The Small measures 9 1/4" in length, with around 7 1/2" of that being insertable, and the circumference at the widest point is 6 1/2", so there's really no question that this guy is hung to begin with.

What first drew me to this dildo, in all honesty, is that it's pretty. I'll admit it, I'm a dick man. Some guys like butts, some guys like feet, but there's a reason why I have an ever-growing collection of pornstar penis replicas. I love a good-looking dick, and when I first laid eyes on the Rentman I knew I had to acquire it. It exudes its own sexual energy, and from every angle it's completely enticing, with its thick perfectly-proportioned shaft, generous pair of balls, and sleek shapely head. Up close the level of detail it reproduces is impressive too, and easily on par with anything I've seen from the likes of Fleshjack. It captures every pore in the skin, all the small veins along the surface of the shaft, and every subtle crease in the head. It's fun to explore and discover all its quirks, like the unusually prominent frenulum captured on the underside. It's truly a dildo designed for people who appreciate the male anatomy, and what's especially nice is that they include a video of the unmoulding, so you can compare it directly with the real thing. 

The Rentman is made from 100% platinum silicone, and comes in a choice of two firmnesses - Medium Firm and 75% Soft. I opted for the 75% Soft again and I think this level of squishiness gives the perfectly realistic feel for a penis. It's fun to just wrap two hands around the shaft and squeeze it before it goes anywhere near your butt. The surface is the most matte of all my Hankey toys so far, owing to the realistic skin texture, and helpfully the website warns that this texture can have a rougher feel if you opt for the firmer silicone. Again it's a completely seamless toy, moulded in one solid piece, and a testament to the high quality of this brand.

The Rentman comes in a choice of three colours, Black, Deep Brown, or Natural Tan. I opted for Tan and if I'm 100% honest it's not my favourite flesh-tone in the world. There's just something slightly washed out and insipid about the colour, like a very milky cup of coffee, and I would have loved a little more of a golden pigment in there to give that "tan" vibe. This is me at my most nit-picky though, and it's hard to reflect the true colour though photos. 

When it comes to use the Rentman is a toy that goes from 0-60 very quickly. There's a bit of a taper on the head to help ease it in, but then "bam," you're suddenly down on the shaft where it remains at that constant thickness straight to the base. If you were hoping for a moment of respite anywhere, then think again. Despite its size the Rentman is actually quite a comfortable toy to insert, largely due to its softness, and also in my case because I'd been doing prep work prior with Taintacle and Dragon, but you definitely feel that pronounced ridge of the head as your sphincter passes over it. Once the head's in you've got nowhere to go but down, and it's a long straight trip, with no twists or turns along the way. The question is can you manage it all?

As the dildo goes deeper you can start to feel the texture of the shaft, even with the soft silicone, so it's best to use a little extra lube - and preferably a thick one - to make it slide smoothly and avoid any rough or abrasive sensations. The size can be a little overwhelming, but in a good way, especially if the only other big toys you've used in the past have been conical plugs. The sheer thickness of the shaft will begin to stretch you at depths you're unaccustomed to, and it just feels so filing. It definitely requires an advanced level of experience if you want to make use of the whole length, because I daresay it's not the toy to navigate the twists and turns of your sigmoid colon for the first time, but you needn't be at that point to enjoy it. I'm not an expert at length myself, and only one time did I come near to getting it in fully, but that took nothing away from my enjoyment. 

Where the Rentman really succeeds best is when it comes to the prostate, because it bludgeons it with sheer size with every thrust. You don't have to insert it particularly deep to achieve that effect, but if you can manage a longer stroke it's even more spectacular. What's fun is that you can alter the orientation of the dildo depending on how deep you want to go; short strokes benefit from having the head facing the prostate, so the coronal ridge really drags over it for maximum stimulation, while a deep thrust favours having the dildo facing the other way, so the slight curve in it allows the thick shaft to firmly rub against it. It's almost guaranteed to make you screw up your face and moan, like a porn star faking some sense of ecstasy, only this time the feeling is real. If you can angle it just right then you can get the double whammy, where the head hits the prostate at the start of the stroke, and then the shaft takes care of the rest further down. It's a subtly different feeling and is great to experience both together. It's a dildo that gives you such a good ride that once you hop off it you feel physically drained, and almost want to take up smoking so you can lie back on the bed and light one up like an old-timey movie cliche.

One thing I especially like about riding the dildo in particular, is its height. Because it's so long you can easily squat over it during use, without having to go all the way down to the floor with each motion, or needing to prop it up with something, which is great for the knees. There are of course other ways you can use it, I find it a little bulky and heavy for manual thrusting, but it's harness compatible, and can be purchased with a vac-u-lock hole if you want to use it with a suction cup, etc.

I've got to say I'm a really big fan of the Rentman. Not only is it an incredibly beautiful and detailed looking product, but it performs like a charm. If you love that feeling of size and stretch, then you'll love this toy. If you love the idea of being fucked by someone impossibly hung, then you'll love this toy. If you love when your prostate sings out in pleasure, then you'll also love this toy. The Rentman absolutely is the full package, and if you can manage the might of its girth then you're well on your way to having an incredible experience. 

I've had an amazing time testing out these different toys from Mr Hankey, and I can't thank them enough for sending them over. The Rentman is another one that I'm happy to give my full recommendation to. 

You can grab the Rentman right now from CloneZone in the UK, or directly from the Hankey's Toys website if you're anywhere else in the world! 

Quick Guide to Anal Play: douching, lubes, and more!

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Anal sex. If only it all happened like in a porn scene. You know the one: boy meets boy, boy takes boy home, boy bends boy over the bed, enters him in one swift motion, then enjoys 20 minutes of pristine romping, interrupted only by the occasional change of position. Yeah, that one. That's the ideal of sex that's sold to gay men the world over, but really we all know that it's just fantasy, and the reality is a little more involved.  

So what are some key tips to make your bum-fun run a little more smoothly? Well I've got you covered below!


Preparation. 


The first - and probably most obvious - thing you want to do is shower. It's simple common courtesy to the person you're with. We all know what that part of the body is used for 90% of the time, but no one wants to be thinking about that during sex, so make sure you're as clean and fresh as that perfect hairless bootyhole your partner has in mind. This is especially important when you consider how mainstream rimming has become these days, and you know he's gonna kiss you with that mouth that's just eaten your ass. 

Showering only takes care of the outside, "but what about the inside?" I hear you ask. Well here's a fun fact: the rectum is a naturally self-cleaning part of the body. Provided you've recently been to the toilet, and you have a good diet, there really shouldn't be any nasties lurking up there. You can go ahead and have sex without the worry of a load of mess. Diet does play a big role in this though, and you can probably tell by how much toilet paper you use each time whether you're on the right track. The key is a high consumption of fibre, as this is what binds everything together, so if you can manage to eat more then great. If not then add a fibre supplement to your diet, such as psyllium husk, as it'll make a world of difference. 

Douching. 


So what if you don't have a great diet, or you do but you still don't feel confident that you're clean enough? The next option is douching. I tend to separate douching into two categories, douching and enemas, and which you do will depend on what sort of anal play you're planning to engage in. The majority of butt play takes place in the rectum, whether it be sex with a partner or using toys such as prostate massagers and plugs. The rectum is on average 5-6 inches deep, and as mentioned earlier is largely clean, but beyond this is 5ft of large intestine where days of old food matter can be stored. 

For most people all you need to concentrate on is douching the rectum. This can be done using any number of readily available douches, such as syringe style, bulb style, and even special adaptors can be purchased for use with water bottles, all depending on your preference. You simply fill the douche with body-temperature water, then squirt a small amount into the rectum, hold it briefly, then expel it into the toilet. Repeat this until the water runs clear and you've successfully cleaned yourself out. One thing you want to avoid is over-douching. If you use too much water then some of it can travel up into the colon and get retained there, even after you think you've expelled everything. In the worst case scenario the body can decide to release this water at the most inopportune time, and I have heard tales of it happening to porn stars mid-sex. Not nice for you, for him, nor for your sheets. 

If you want to try more advanced anal play, such as inserting long dildos, fisting, etc, then you'll probably want to try an enema. This involves intentionally flooding the lower portion of the colon with water, and then waiting for it all to be flushed out. The benefit of this is that you can get deeper into the body without encountering anything unpleasant, but the downside is that you will generally have to wait a little time after to make sure all the water comes back out. A great piece of equipment for this is the Bathmate Hydrodouche, and you can even buy adaptors which screw straight onto your shower hose. 

One word of warning about douching is that it can dehydrate that region of the body, this is partly a consequence of washing away the natural mucus inside the rectum, and partly a consequence of using pure water. The body doesn't naturally contain any pure water, it's all slightly salty, so if you wish to minimise the dehydrating effect you can choose to douche with a 0.9% saline solution, such as that found in enema kits available from pharmacies.

Lubrication


So you're clean, you're confident, you're ready for something to go in, but it's gonna need help. One of the most important things for anal sex is lube, and I'm afraid a little bit of spit just isn't gonna cut it. The more lube you use the better - especially if you've just douched - and you want it everywhere. Put some around the hole, some around the toy / penis that's going inside, and a real top tip is to squirt some lube inside you with a special lube-injector. 

There are 3.5 main types of lube, and they're all good for different purposes. There's silicone based, water based, oil based, and a silicone-water "hybrid" lube. 

The best lube for sex is silicone based. It's slick, long-lasting, and condom safe. It's also safe for use with some toys, but most people choose to err on the side of caution and keep it away from silicone toys as there have been reports of it damaging the finish on them. Downsides to silicone lube are that it's not the most easy to clean up, and it can be more expensive.

The best all round lube is water-based. It can be used for any application, is readily available, and doesn't cost an arm and a leg. The downside is that it can dry out during use as the water content evaporates, and some of the less-good varieties become gummy and tacky at this point, but you can often reactivate the lube by adding a little water. 

Oil based lube is something which is only really good for certain applications. It should absolutely not be used for sex as oil will break down condoms rendering them ineffective. Oil based lubes generally tend to be favoured by people using larger toys, or fisting, due to their thick cream-like consistency.  

Penetration


Anal sex, more than any other, is one which requires proper foreplay. The last thing you ever want to do is just try to ram something in there. If you're with another guy then a little bit of rimming and fingering at the outset is the perfect way to loosen up that tight muscle. If you're playing around by yourself then don't start too big, pick something with a gentle taper and go slowly, allow your body to adapt and steadily expand. A top tip is to pick the right position; whether you're with a toy or a guy it can help to start out on top and lower yourself down. Let your body weight do all the work, while you set the pace. Staying relaxed is an important factor, but it's not actually the key to successful insertion. The real trick is to push outwards with your sphincter at the same time as the object you're trying to insert pushes up against it. This action tells your body that the muscle needs to prepare to dilate to allow something to pass through, and it doesn't matter which direction that object comes from. 

If you do want to save time with penetration then one of the things you can do is get the preparation work out of the way before a hook up. Loosen yourself up with a toy first, walk around for a while wearing a plug, and then when it comes time for sex you won't have to start the entire process from scratch. A good tip is to try using a plug which is ever so slightly thicker than the dildo or penis you plan to have inside you. That way when the thrusting happens you won't be stretched to your absolute limit, and will have a little wiggle room to make things more comfortable. 


I think that's about all I really have to say on this subject. I think I've covered all the bases, and I hope I've provided some useful tips. Just remember, the key to good sex is communication. Let your partner know what you like, or if something is uncomfortable, and you're guaranteed to have a good time. 

JETT by Hot Octopuss

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Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Has someone taken the motors out of their DualShock controller and cleverly repurposed them?

No, it's the newest creation from the guys behind the Pulse, and I have it reviewed below!

This week Hot Octopuss have released a new mid-range entry to their family of guybrators, and it's actually really rather good.

The new Jett retails for £49 - around the price of a modern AAA videogame, and half the cost of their flagship Pulse toy.

Where the Pulse represents the peak of modern sex toy technology, with its patented oscillating Pulse Plate, magnetic charging connectors, and sleek design encased in a waterproof silicone shell, the Jett is intriguingly old school.

If you've ever encountered one of those vibrating "love eggs" of yore, with the little sliver pods attached to a powerpack by a thin cable, then you'll start to understand where Hot Octopuss drew their inspiration from. Don't allow yourself to be fooled by this, however, because the Jett is leaps and bounds beyond the rudimentary tech which went into those designs.

The genius of the Jett lies in its motors, because there are two of them, and not only are they the sort of high-quality motors that you'd expect from Hot Octopuss, but each is distinct. One motor - dubbed the "Bass" - has a deep rumbly flavour to it, producing the type of penetrating vibrations that you'll frequently hear me rave about, and the other - the "Treble" - is a little further down the scale towards the buzzy end. Each motor is strong and powerful in its own right, but it's how they work in tandem which is where the magic happens.

The Jett is designed to be operated as a handsfree device that's worn directly on the penis, and so it comes with a little holster to house the two motors. It's a simple silicone piece containing three holes, one for each motor and then a third larger one for your penis. It's cleverly shaped to fit around the rim of the head, and thus align the motors up against the sensitive frenulum on the underside. It's a great concept, but in practice this holster has to be the weak point of an otherwise-solid design. The issue with the execution comes down to silicone not naturally being a very stretchy material, and at only 1 1/8" diameter the one-size-fits-all penis hole is rather on the small side, so it immediately raises some questions about how easy it'll be to put on and take off.

The "brain" of the Jett is a small power box about the size of a mini remote control. It's quite ergonomically shaped to fit comfortably into the palm of your hand, and takes 4 AA batteries (not included) which add a little bit of weight to it. On the top are 5 operational buttons, one for on/off, and then a + and for each motor, allowing them to be adjusted independently. Interestingly the Jett can be partially disassembled as the motors unplug from the end of the power unit, leaving open the possibility of future accessories that could be used with the box. 

The Jett is nice and straightforward to operate; you simply hold down the power button for a couple of seconds to turn on both motors simultaneously, or you can hold down one of the + buttons to activate that motor individually. With the Jett on you can then use the + and - buttons to cycle through 6 different power levels, and pressing the power button again will switch from constant vibrations to a choice of 4 additional patterns. The sheer power and intensity that comes out of each motor is truly impressive, and thanks to the way the holster transmits the vibrations the whole Jett feels as though it's vibrating equally even with only one motor running. What's fascinating to me is how the motors play off each other when both are on, because it's as though it gets an unexpected boost. There are plenty of toys out there which feature multiple motors, and it's almost always the case that you can pick out each unique vibration while they're running simultaneously, but that just isn't the case with the Jett. When both the Bass and Treble motors are running together they seem to lose their individual characters, merging and harmonising to create a new singular force in its own right. It was quite an unexpected discovery for me, and definitely counts as a prime example of when something can be more than just the sum of its parts. The accompanying press release actually identifies this phenomenon as the Jett oscillating in response to a synchronisation of the motors, and I'll admit I probably would have been a little sceptical of that claim if I hadn't borne witness to it first hand. Their tip to maintain the best oscillation is to keep the Treble motor set one power level higher than the Bass, but the beauty of it being a fully customisable toy is that you can really play around with the settings and experiment to your heart's content, until you find that one combination that has your name on it.

One of the nice features of the Jett is that compared to the Pulse it's a lot less noisy. It's still a powerful toy, so if you crank it all the way up to the max then it can kick out a fair bit of sound, but at the lower levels it's quite discreet, and nothing it produces is like the roar of the Pulse thundering into action. 


In terms of use the first thing you'll want to do after assembling the Jett is to put it onto your penis. After much experimenting I found that the best way was to start with my penis in a semi-flaccid state, with the foreskin covering the head, and then to put the tip just inside the opening of the holster. From here I was able to push the Jett onto my penis and use the sliding action of the foreskin to guide the Jett into place as it retracted. Overall this method worked quite well, though the Jett didn't end up aligned perfectly with my frenulum.

Trying to put the Jett on whilst already erect was a complete non-starter for me. I tested it out with a few dildos smaller than my actual size before putting it anywhere near my penis, and I found it very fiddly. In this state you essentially have to put fingers from both hands through the hole and then pull with some considerable force to make the opening wide enough to put over the head. After this you're then left with the slight question of how to carefully get your fingers back out and leave the Jett in place, so it's not a method I'd recommend.

Although there's no reference to this in any of the included literature, I did have a nice chat with one of the designers who confirmed to me that the reasoning for the smaller opening in the holster is so that product can be used from flaccid, so it looks like this is the way to go.

Once on, the Jett definitely feels snug around the shaft - especially if you have an above average girth - and you can feel the silicone stretch as you firm up to a fully erect state. It's not an uncomfortable sense of tightness, and it doesn't have the strangling effect that a small part of me was initially concerned about, but the head did noticeably become more engorged than it would ordinarily - something which isn't an altogether uncommon side effect from wearing a cock ring, etc.


So the big question is how does the Jett actually feel? And thanks to the multiple ways it can be configured that's an interesting answer. The first way you can look at it is by considering each motor separately. The Bass is what I consider to be the workhorse of the Jett. It delivers those deep rumbly vibrations which penetrate into the soft tissue of the shaft and feel oh-so-good. These are the vibrations I really look for in a toy, and lying back and feeling the Bass rumbling away by itself is very satisfying, and more than enough to make me climax - even at the lower power levels. The Treble is the more buzzy of the pair; it creates those surface vibrations which you mostly feel skin-deep across the penis, and which tend to be found in vibrators which you like but don't love. It's pleasurable to use, and good enough that at the higher power levels I too could cum from this alone, but as a standalone it wouldn't be my first choice.

The key of course to the Jett is when the motors are combined, and to borrow a Spinal Tap cliche this is when things get turned up to 11. It's almost hard to describe, but the whole toy seems to come alive in a unique way. You can feel that original rumble going from the Bass motor, but on top of that there's this certain je ne sais quoi which takes it to another level. Just using the controls to flick between having both motors on, and only one, shows this amazing contrast. You can see why they picked musical names for the motors, because you have that deep rumbling rhythm playing in the background, with another perfectly matched melody playing over the top in complete harmony. The only thing I can really compare it to is the Pulse, because it's not a sort of vibration you feel elsewhere. Immediately it feels fantastic, and it hits you right where you want it up against the frenulum, but the vibrations radiate out and through the entire penis. Even at the lower settings it feels great, and you don't have to immediately crank the power right up to the highest level as so often I do, but it's fun to play around with the controls and see how the sensation changes as you adjust the balance between the motors. At the lower levels it can actually be quite soothing, and a convenient edging tool, allowing you to sit around enjoying the sensation without quite pushing yourself all the way before you're ready. At the higher levels it's powerful enough to trigger an ejaculation without you even needing to clench your PC muscle until the last possible moment, and what an intense orgasm that brings with it.

I'd be remiss not to talk about the patterns, because I love a toy with features. There's a really good assortment of vibration patterns programmed into the Jett, featuring all the usual ones you'd expect with different rates of pulses. For me this really adds to the experience and lets you change it up even further, switching between constant mode and a pattern or two. It allows you to draw out the experience for a prolonged time without your body becoming familiar with the sensation, so you can edge for as long as you'd like.


With regard to accessibility, this isn't a subject I write about much as an able-bodied person, but Hot Octopuss has a great record of making a range of toys that's easy to use for everyone. The fact that the Jett is designed to be usable from flaccid is great news for anyone suffering from erectile dysfunction, but my one area of concern is how anyone with dexterity problems might struggle with putting it on and taking it off again, given the fiddly nature of the design.

In terms of price I'm a little bit torn on the Jett, because on the one hand you'd be hard pushed to find anything that feels better for this amount of money, and then on the other I still feel like it's about 20% more than I'd be happy to pay for it. My judgement here may be clouded though, because when I first saw it it was incorrectly listed as £39, which I immediately thought was the perfect price point for it, and it's hard to shake those initial feelings. When you increase that to £50 you're talking about a more significant sum of money for a lot of people, but it's worth noting that this is RRP. Sex toy sites frequently have sales throughout the year, so there has to be some wiggle room in that price to accommodate this, and if you can wait and grab one for £39 then it's 100% worth it at that value.


I have to say I really do like the Jett. It's unique, it's powerful, it feels absolutely great, the only flaw  for me is that pesky holster. At the best of times it's too fiddly, and it makes the toy impractical for guys with bigger girth, or those who don't have the benefit of a foreskin to help slide it on. The good news though is that through my conversations with them I've had confirmation that they are in the process of looking at enlarging the size of the opening, and making the material a little bit more soft and stretchy.

I think that the development of this toy is a really positive step for Hot Octopuss, and they've proven that you can come up with something that performs fantastically without breaking the bank, and hopefully in the process have put a really great product within the reach of a larger number of people. On the basis of the motors alone I'd be more than happy to recommend the Jett, and once they tweak the holster it'll be a great product all round.

Many thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me a Jett, and you can grab one directly from their store.


Tantus Champion

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Last week I quietly celebrated the 7-year anniversary of starting this blog, and today we're taking a look at a blast from the past, with the "newish" Tantus Champion.

Anyone who's been reading my blog for a while might remember my review of the Max O2 from way back in April of 2012, and if you think that these toys look similar then don't worry because your eyes aren't deceiving you.

The Champion is one of the latest in Tantus's ongoing project to tweak and re-release some of their popular toys from the past, and I thought it might be fun to do a little comparison seven years down the line.

Come see what I made of it.


The Champion, or rather I should say the Max, and I have a bit of an interesting history. It all began a couple of months into my blogging journey when I came up with this crazy notion that I could find the perfect dildo. The world of sex toys was still relatively new and exciting, and I loved that thrill of acquiring something new, so I eagerly poured through pages of well-stocked websites looking for something that would tickle my fancy.

When I finally stumbled across the Max it was love at first sight. It was long, it was girthy, it had realistic detailing, and it promised a life-like feel with its dual density construction. It was clearly the answer to everything I wanted, and I bought it in a flash. 

These days I can admit that there's no such thing as a perfect dildo, but such is my fondness for the Max that I was all the more eager to try out the Champion when I saw this design making a return. 

So what's new with the Champion? Let's start with the obvious, the colour. The Max - and indeed the entire dual-density O2 range - originally came in an assortment of flesh tones. There was a soft cream colour which made even a pale Englishman such as myself look tan, a rich caramel, and a deep chocolately brown. The Champion on the other hand hits you with a delicious splash of vibrant hues, with a choice of Punk Rock Pink, Rockabilly Blue, or plain old black if you're boring (sorry).

The other change is what the Champion is made from. Whereas the Max was dual-density - that is a dildo with a firm core and a squishy outer layer - the Champion is made entirely from "SuperSoft" silicone, and this is what originally drew me to the toy more than anything, because I love a plush toy. 

In most other regards the two dildos are identical. The same girth, the same insertable length, the same texture and details. The only minor difference is that the Champion has a slightly thinner base, on account of it not needing a double layer of silicone.


I have to say that I absolutely adore the Rockabilly Blue colour of my Champion, and I think that the design of the Max looks stunning like this. The one thing that does slightly perplex me though is the material, because I would not describe it as soft in any way. In fact if you squeeze the tip of both the Max and the Champion then it's the Max that's the softer of the two, and this is not at all what I was expecting. I had visions of the Champion being a super-squishy flexible version of the Max, and that's what made me excited about it, but admittedly that's partly my own fault. Tantus silicone in all forms is generally on the firmer side, and that's always something worth bearing in mind. The O2 range was much firmer than Vixen Creations' dual-density "VixSkin" line, and likewise after the last 3 toys I've been playing with have been "75% Soft" from Mr Hankey it completely changed my perception of what a "soft" silicone is. The other issue though comes down to the pairing of the silicone with the size of the toy. The "SuperSoft" silicone that Tantus uses is perfect for their smaller toys. The SuperSoft Echo and SuperSoft Adam feel squishy and flexible and amazing, but the Champion is a thick toy, and it just feels incredibly solid. Personally I would have opted for something softer to counter this. It does however raise a question of something I've been meaning to write a blog post about for a while, and that's why we don't specify how soft or firm a toy is using the Shore Hardness scale. When every company has a different definition of "soft" it makes it hard to compare across brands when shopping online, but that's an argument for another day. 

In terms of how the Champion actually performs the silicone appears to be firmer than the outer layer of the Max, but softer than the internal core, and the end result is that they perform almost identically. When I tried bending them around with my hand the difference in the level of resistance was negligible, if there was any at all, and they seemed equally flexible. 

What this means for usage is that sadly there's not a lot of comparison to make. I put them side by side and diligently went up and down on each and I could barely tell any difference. If I had to pick one then I'd probably say that I prefer the Max by a hair because I was convinced that I could feel a little bit more of that outer squish against my muscles, but honestly if you blindfolded me and asked me to identify each then I'm not sure even my talented butt could manage that consistently. 

Because of this I don't see the point of going into too much detail on how the Champion feels, because you can read it all in my Max review, but I will quickly summarise by saying that it's wonderfully filling, it's comfortable to use, and that girth does a great job on the prostate. 

The truth about the Champion is that it's fundamentally a fantastic dildo, it just depends on what exactly you're looking for. If you missed out on the Max all those years ago then I'd wholeheartedly recommend giving the Champion a shot. It's a great ride for size-queens everywhere. If you already have a Max and were looking for a new twist on a familiar experience, then I'd suggest picking one of Tantus's other great dildos instead.

Many thanks to Tantus for sending me the Champion, you can grab one directly from them

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